I love Mormons, but do they love me?

Day 83

Stacey and Billy were too busy jacking around playing tennis and doing 100 yard dashes to join Mike and me for an ice cream sundaes at the restaurant where Billy works. So we ate them alone, sad that our friends didn’t have the time to join our merriment.

Day 84

As is the case after a day of ice cream sundaes, we spent almost the entire day making sure our figures stayed trim. And although Stacey didn’t partake in the eating of ice cream covered in either a caramel or chocolate sauce and topped with crack (homemade toffee), she too joined in. Mike actually went running in the morning, which was a mistake since we decided to do a gauntlet of fun exercises. First up: the inner-tube hold. In this event Mike and I had to hold an inner-tube out the window of a car going 55 mph while the wind tried to whip it out of our hands without letting go. Task #1 was a success, and we delivered the tube to Stacey’s aunt unharmed. Second: hike 5 miles up a mountain with an elevation gain of roughly 4000 ft. Task #2 was a failure. After 1.5 miles Stacey thought she was going to die from dehydration and/or low blood sugar. She powered through it, but after about 3.5 miles we realized that the gondola that we were planning on taking down the mountain was not in service because there was a Steve Martin (the comedian) concert down in the park below. Thus, we turned around and hiked back down like chickens. The silver lining was that we got to walk past Steve Martin doing a sound check while the security guys made sure we kept walking, which we did very slowly. Thirdly: exercise at the YMCA on empty stomachs. Task #3 was a success. While I was busy climbing black diamond routes, Stacey and Mike hit the weight room and did some other unknown exercises that were probably all pretty wussy compared to clinging to small crimpers 14 feet up. Reward: burritos for all. We ate until we were slightly sick and then back.

There was an old-timey bluegrass band playing in town that Stacey simply had to see, so we biked over to give them a listen and relax for a bit. A few other people ended up joining us, and we hung out for a couple of hours while the old-timey band (comprised entirely of truly old-timey human beings) strummed their sweet mandolins/guitars/banjos.

Day 85

Sitting and waiting best explains what happened today. The van should be done. But it takes a while longer than anticipated, so there’s quite a lot of sitting and waiting. And watching TV. And waiting. Come on van! It’s like it’s at the hospital and we just don’t know if it’s going to make it. I have a really good feeling that everything will be OK, but stranger things have happened. Something might need to be amputated. It might never be able to drive up a hill again. Starvan! NoooooooO!

End result of the waiting: I’m still in Idaho.

Day 86

I woke up very, very optimistic. And then I called to see about the van. I was told that German Transaxle, who did the repair on the transmission, didn’t ship one of the parts back. So my options were to either pay Matt the labor costs to remove that piece from another van, or to wait another day while the part is shipped. I chose to have Matt strip the part from another van so that we could be on our way.

I get a call at 5:00 from Matt. He says that he wasn’t able to get that part. The van will be done tomorrow.

I went to bed much, much less optimistic that I’d ever leave Idaho.

Day 87

The van, which was supposed to be done by noon, was eventually completed around 4pm. This meant a late start. The saddest part was that since we had to haul ass down into Utah so that we could see everything that we wanted to and not have to leave the national parks before we were ready, this meant leaving Hailey, ID, which had become my home, a little too quickly. It sounds weird, I know. But I got to spend three weeks in Hailey, hanging out with Stacey (and bunch of other great people that helped enrich the entire experience) and getting the sensation of belonging to a place. Even though I told everyone that I met that I’d be in town as long as the van was broken and not a moment longer, I really was sad to leave. It was another leaky moment for VanGuy, saying goodbye to Stacey and hitting the road. I absolutely loved being around Stacey for the first time in over a year. We had a great time in Idaho and I can’t thank her enough for letting me overstay my welcome on her floor in her studio apartment. Bye Stacey. I miss you already.

But I didn’t have time to feel sad or miss Hailey. Mike and I needed to jet the hell out of there. And we did. Matt and I took the van for a test run, everything was great, and Mike and I drove for about 4.5 hours down into Ogden, Utah. But we had no intention of sticking around in Ogden - a glorified suburb of Salt Lake City - so we drove toward the small town of Huntsville through this really cool, really windy canyon. The reason that it was cool was not because it was beautiful. Heck, we couldn’t see a darned thing it was so dark out. The reason that it was a great place (and great drive) was that we drove through it during a thunder storm, and with every bolt the entire canyon lit up for a split second, giving everything a very fleeting, ethereal feel. The mountains seemed to pop up out of nowhere, and they held this amazing glow in the brief moment that lightning illuminated them.

The only problem was that the campsites that we had directions to were all full by the time we got there. So we had to turn around and head back down the canyon until we found a sweet little pull-off to stealth camp in. Mike was a little nervous, having never done this before, but we were in a good spot (essentially a trail head) and no one bothered us. We were too tired to make dinner though, so we ate PB&J sandwiches with Ranger IPAs. Trip to Utah: success.

Day 88

Trip to Utah: less successful that I hoped. We woke, ate breakfast, and drove down to a coffee shop to take advantage of their facilities (an old standby from the good ol’ days with Micah). We went in, but Mike reminded me that we needed my computer to check the directions to our next campsite, located roughly 4 hours south near the town of Beaver (which proves that even people from Utah have a sense of humor). As I got my computer I figured I might as well check to see everything in the important section of the van (the rear end) was doing alright. And, lo and behold, it wasn’t! There was a coolant leak, and a pretty good one at that. I opened the cover and saw that one of the hoses was saturated and leaking coolant at a much too rapid rate. So I left Mike at the coffee shop and drove to a Napa Auto Parts to get this whole thing fixed up. It was a simple fix: Step #1 - take off shitty hose, Step #2 - put on new hose. Piece of cake. Except that when I took off the hose I also took off the nipple. This meant that the hose had nothing to attach to, making it impossible to fix unless I replace the upper section of the thermostat housing. I went into Napa and said the only one was in Salt Lake City, and they had no way of getting it. I nearly broke down at this point. How could all this shit be happening to me? I’m a (relatively) good person. Just let my van work already! I didn’t break down and cry (as much as I wanted to), and the guys at Napa helped me out a ton by having their store down in Bountiful pick it up from Salt Lake so that at least I had a shorter train ride. Mike, stranded back at the coffee shop) had to bike to me so that we could get on the train and go to Bountiful.

The train ride went smoothly, and the dude from the Napa store actually met us at the train station to sell me that part, which was awesome because it saved us from having to walk 3 miles, and because he sold it to me in the parking lot at 2:05, meaning we caught the 2:07 train back to Ogden instead of the 3:07 train (or later) had he not met us. On the train ride back we met a dude, Charles Bale, who had walked across the U.S. in 3.5 months because he was bored. He also tried to sell me some “spice” - something that looked very suspicious, but which he claimed was not - and told me to call him if I needed any VW parts because he had a van that he couldn’t get to work and would be willing to give me parts off of it. I can’t express just how nice everyone is. Other notable people on the train: 1) a nice girl who offered me a cookie, and who expressed that it was good in an effort to convince me when I declined the offer, 2) two young teenage girls that told the most mundane stories you’ve ever heard (mostly about boys) and couldn’t stop giggling for the life of them, 3) a little boy who told his mom (after coming out of the bathroom) that he forgot to wash his hands, at which point his little brother confessed that he too forgot to wash his hands in an obvious attempt to be just as cool.

Back at Napa I worked for close to 2 hours getting the part in place and refilling the coolant. It sounds easy, but putting coolant in a Vanagon is a serious ass pain. Had I not called various folks, and talked to some passerby about the procedures, I surely would have screwed up. As far as I can tell, I didn’t screw up though, and I haven’t seen a leak yet. This marked the first time that I did an actual repair by myself. It was scary as hell, but I’m starting to gain some confidence. Look out VW world, I’m starting to figure out your tricks.

Mike and I celebrated at a brewery, but the beers in Utah have to be 3.2%, which is lame. Very, very lame.

And, just like the night previous, we left late and showed up at our campsite after dark. This time, however, there were actually spots for us, waiting, hoping we’d show. Even though we had yet another van setback, we busted through the repair and ended up remaining right on schedule to Bryce Canyon the following day.

Day 89

Woke up, no van problems (unless you count not being able to fill the water tank for some strange reason, which, I guess you could count), and hit the road early so that we could get to Bryce and get a camping spot. It wasn’t too hard to hurry either. It was Sunday in the small Utah town of Beaver, and nothing, save a single diner, was open. So we got the hell out of crazy Mormon Utah and into beautiful amazing Utah.

I can’t really put into words what Bryce Canyon is like. It’s absolutely stunning. The red rock formations, the visible horizontal lines cutting through it all, the holes in the rocks, the bridges, it’s all just so very cool and so very strange. We hiked a nine mile loop called Fairyland, which gave us a great view of the entire canyon - both from above and down inside. We nearly got caught in a lightning storm, but managed to get out with only a few sprinkles to show for it. It was easily the most amazing rock formations I’ve ever seen, and the hike seemed to fly by. It’s just an extraordinary place. I put it on the top of my recommendation list next to the Yellowstone/Grand Teton area as far as national parks go. So very worth seeing.

Day 90

The second day in Bryce, while not quite on the same level of spectacularness as the first, was quite enjoyable nonetheless. We drove down to the southernmost point in Bryce Canyon - Rainbow Point - and proceeded to do a 9.5 mile hike that took us around the upper rim of the canyon, and down into the forested bits as well. The views here were the best in the park, providing a panoramic view of the entirety of Bryce, the Grand Escalante region of Utah, parts of Arizona, and (although I couldn’t figure out which direction to look exactly) part of New Mexico. The rock formations weren’t as unusual or breathtaking, but the hike was really fun, though quite strenuous. The highlight in my opinion was when I came damn near stepping on a rattlesnake. Having never seen one before, I was quite excited, especially once I was a safe enough distance that it couldn’t bite me. And, unlike my encounter with the grizzly bear while hiking in Yellowstone with Micah, I could take as many pictures of the little devil as I wanted. I took two.

After our nearly 10 mile hike, in addition to the 8 mile hike the day before, we needed to take a shower. We got to the public showers, and for some bizarre reason, the showers only take $1 gold coins. Who even uses those? There was a sign that said you could get gold coins in the laundry room just around the corner. So Mike and I took our quarters (because that’s the logical coin to use) to the laundry room. But the machine in the laundry room only takes dollar bills, and, supposedly, when shoved into its mouth, shits out gold coins. But we had no dollars. So we had to go to the gift shop and get some gold coins. This, at least, was successful. With our gold coins in hand we walked back toward the showers only to find 4 French boys headed for the shower ahead of us, forcing us to wait for minutes before one became vacant. Damn. I said to Mike, “hey, maybe they’ll shower together,” what with them being French and all. And they did. My prejudice payed off!

Day 91

Though it wasn’t a long drive from Bryce to Zion, the short 13 mile road through Zion took forever. The road was practically one lane the entire way, and it was on mostly unpaved, windy switchbacks through crazy mountains and canyons. We snagged the very last (out of 124) campsites, and though it wasn’t 100% level, it wasn’t bad. We wanted to go for a short hike since the last two days had been rather strenuous, but there really aren’t a lot of hikes down in the southern section of Zion. So we postponed hiking until the following day, and instead enjoyed some beer in the shade down by Virgin River. Of note: two large lizards of unknown variety, some very small frogs of unknown variety, and a small bat (presumably hurt) of unknown variety crawling along the ground. It was nice to just relax right underneath some really cool rocky, craggy, mountains next to a(n) (admittedly unattractive) river. To top off our day of sloth we did some major carbo-loading with huge portions of spaghetti to be fully prepared for an actual hike the following day.

** Funny side story: We had to stop to get groceries, and all the towns between Bryce Canyon and Zion are, well, undesirable. But we managed to find a “grocery store” that sold some of the most awesome brands of stuff you’ve ever seen. Mostly it was Western Family, the Denny’s of food brands, but at one point a guy whom I assume to be foreign asks us which barbeque sauce we would recommend. Here were the brands to choose from, and see if you would have as much confusion as he did in trying to pick out the BEST sauce: 1) Western Family, 2) A&W (as in the rootbeer), 3) Bulls-eye, 4) Dr. Pepper. I’m sure you’re thinking that this is some sort of trick question, thinking that perhaps I mistakenly gave you soda choices instead of real life barbeque sauces. Nope. Those were the barbeque sauces. And only someone from another country would be fooled into thinking that those brands produce anything edible.

Petiter the Protector

Day 81

Today was a day of relaxation in the blistering sun attending the Sawtooth Music Festival near Stanley. Aside from the decent music (none of which blew me away) this music festival, more than any of the other maybe 3 music festivals I’ve ever been to, had the most gorgeous backdrop of any event I’ve been to. The stage was set so that while you watch the various performers you get to look at the Sawtooth Mountains, their jagged spires creating an amazing horizon. Stacey did some dancing during the event, but mostly we sat in the sun, drinking Fat Tire from cans (no glass allowed!) and eating the food we brought with us. It did pour for roughly half an hour, at which point the stage was cleared for fear of lightning strikes, and Stacey and I sent Mike to go fetch an umbrella from the car. By the time he got back he was soaked and Stacey and I were hiding underneath someone else’s canopy. When the rain stopped and the sun came back out I’d wished that I hadn’t hid from the rain since a soaking wet shirt would have been nice after the fact.

And since I’ve been in Idaho now for a few weeks I saw a bunch of people that I know and got to say hello to. It was strange. I don’t feel like I live here, but man, do other people make me believe that it’s at least a possibility.

We camped in the backyard of one of Stacey’s friends in a two person tent. There were three of us. And since we were in such close quarters, Stacey laid out some ground rules:

1) No nakedness.

2) No cuddling.

3) No hairy butts.

These rules were unfair - skewed toward the comfort of everyone except me. But I begrudgingly abided nonetheless. Three funny things happened that night after we’d called it a night: 1) At roughly 1am another group of people arrived, Stacey woke up, unzipped the door enough to peek outside, and claims that she saw a boob. I attempted to confirm the sighting, but could not. 2) At roughly 4am a party started outside the other group’s tent, and there was quite a bit of talking about vodka. 3) After being rudely awoken by a helicopter, we stepped out of our tent and found a passed out man sleeping on the lawn without a tent or a car, or (as far as we could tell) any reason to be there at all.

Day 82

I knew before even seeing the strange man passed out in the grass that today was going to be a great day. It started off with the remaining donut holes that we hadn’t finished the day before, followed by meeting up with Billy to go whitewater rafting on the Salmon River. Rafting is a personal favorite of mine, and I was fairly geared up to prove how amazing I am at paddling and being awesome at rapids. Our guide was Ben, picked because of his beard (Stacey’s request) for safety reasons (Stacey’s logic). See, if our guide has a beard he’s more likely to know what he’s doing, more likely to be good looking, and more likely to keep us safe from the beardless mongrels roaming about on the river. And, in an unlikely twist, he was the only guide with a beard, so we knew we had chosen wisely. When he came to give us life vests I asked him if they come in different sizes, to which he responded “no.” I clarified that I was petite, to which he responded “we can tighten that up for you.” And thus, on the river, on this day, I became Petiter, the smaller of the rafting participants.

But in the water I proved that being Petiter wouldn’t hold me back. At one point we were surfing this rapid - essentially pointing out raft upriver and getting kind of stuck in the wave - and this stupid kayaker comes out of nowhere headed straight for our raft. So I did what any sane person would do: I stuck out my paddle and tipped him over so that he didn’t interfere with our surfing. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts, but come on, the guy was probably going to ruin our wonderful day in the sun on the river, and I was protecting us. It was an incredibly fun day of hanging out while floating a beautiful stretch of Idaho, getting to know Ben (who (non-verbally) picked me as his favorite), who is from Maine and just out for the summer, and laughing at all of our silliness. The only downside to the whole day was that the rapids really weren’t that hard and we didn’t have any beer left over from the previous day to make the rapids a bit more fun. Mike miraculously managed to fall out of the raft despite the lack of rapids, but that just added to the laughing and fun having. At the end of the day I made sure that Ben ranked us in terms of rafting abilities (and maybe some intangibles). Final score: 1) Petiter, 2) Stacey, 3) Mike, 4) Billy. The only anomaly to the whole ranking thing was that Billy and I were on one side, while Stacey and Mike were on the other. Stacey created this setup to ensure equality of both sides. However, the rankings proved just the opposite of her theory that Billy was the strongest while I, Petiter, was the weakest. At one point Ben even had to tell Billy and me to stop paddling so hard so that the other side (the crap side) could match us. Despite Stacey’s insistence that she was far superior me and that Ben’s rankings couldn’t possibly have been accurate, the pictures taken of us proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was victorious in this made up game of ridiculousness. Ben was actually a cool dude though, and told me that I have a place to stay if I make it up to Maine. Could be a nice option when I get to the east coast. Rafting, even without difficult rapids, is one of the best things I can think of. I’m starting to think that I should look into being a guide one of these days. Show people what Petiter can do.

** Note: Because of the incident on the river in which I may have knocked over a seemingly innocent kayaker, I now have two potential enemies from my time here in Idaho. The other is a hobo who I nearly ran over with my rental car, and who screamed obscenities at me because he doesn't know how to follow the rules of the road. I'll be lucky to leave this state with only a chipped tooth.

Floating on

Day 77

At the local YMCA in Ketchum they have a climbing wall. It was being completely overrun by very young children and a few girls who were trying to get the attention of the resident climbing expert. And then I showed up and dominated everyone. No one else was man enough (not even the young teenage girls) to tackle the bouldering cave, but to be honest even I was a little skeptical since they decided to rate the routes using the damn skiing symbols like blue square, green circle, yellow pot of gold, and red balloon. Though since I love Lucky Charms, it was pretty easy to devour everything they threw at me. Well, the double black diamonds were a little too hard. Stacey even tried to do some climbing, and she was pretty good except for that she was only able to do two routes before her arm muscles turned to jello. She remained sore two days later.

Billy and Stacey went out on a date to a sushi restaurant, which left me to partake in may favorite pastime: eat a humungous burrito. When they returned we watched “Burn After Reading,” which I’ve already seen, but it was still pretty funny. Those Coen brothers are mostly amazing.

Day 78

I started walking to Avis to rent a car to pick up my friend Mike at the airport in Boise, thinking that if I biked then when Mike and I drop off the car, I’d bike back to Stacey’s house and leave Mike to trek back alone. But then I realized that it would take me a very long time to walk there, and I could always take the car back by myself. So I turned around to get my bike. As soon as I got back to Stacey’s I heard a thunder clap and it started to pour. Huge drops. Part of me thinks that I’m a mad genius that can see things in the future, like temperamental weather, and maybe grocery store sales, and part of me thinks that I was just kind of dumb to begin with and my first plan was terrible.

It stopped raining when I had to leave on my bike and I thanked the sky lords that let me arrive at the car rental safe and dry. And when I entered the airport to go to the Avis counter, I entered a Seinfeld episode. I go to the counter, say that I have a reservation for a car, and they tell me that they don’t have a car for me. I so badly wanted to say “you know how to take a reservation, you just don’t know how to hold a reservation. And that’s really the most important feature of a reservation - the holding.” Instead I waited patiently for 45 minutes for them to figure out what to do. They eventually gave away another woman’s car who wasn’t due to show for another hour, but they charged me more because the car was larger than the “small car” that I had reserved. I told them that I didn’t ask for this size car, so I didn’t want to pay the extra cash. It went back and forth but I eventually gave up because I needed to get to the airport.

The drive was uneventful, and picking up Mike was a painless process, but we had to hurry back because we were meeting Stacey and Billey at South Valley Pizza for the best pizza in the area. The place closes at 9 and we had about 2 hours to make it there in time. We hauled ass and were treated to some delicious pizza. One of the pizzas had the following: onions, olives, cilantro, pineapple, jalapenos, garlic, with half red and half barbeque sauce. So very good.

We topped off the night with some “Religulous,” which Stacey was a little too tired to fully partake in, but Mike and I enjoyed revisiting. It’s a great movie to prompt some discussion about life, death, certainty, uncertainty, and the stupidity of certain senators and “scientists.”

Day 79

This was a day of adventure, floats, and confusion. The day started off with two consecutive floats down the river, but since we didn’t have a large truck for the tubes Mike and I had to hold them out the window of Stacey’s car while she drove. People stared at us and a few people even got the hell out of the way, thinking perhaps they’d get thwacked by the rubber donut. The floats were great, but since we went earlier in the day, it was a bit colder than it was the last time we floated down the river, resulting in some chilly splashes.

That afternoon involved a float of the root beer variety, consumed by Mike and me at the farmers’ market while we listed to Stacey and Mia play music. It was a nice hot afternoon spent sipping homemade root beer in the shade of a tree while live music sang out in the background.

I gave Mike a bike tour of the area, riding down along the river and then back up along the hillside. I think I’ve now gone on that loop a dozen times, but I still enjoy it. In fact, these last two weeks mark the most biking I’ve done since I lived in Davis without a car. It’s been a great change of pace, and biking to the grocery store and the river gives you a great sense of belonging in a place.

Mike and I finished off the day with a screening of the movie “Inception,” which was equal parts awesome and confusion. The awesome came from a really cool concept with some sweet action sequences, and the confusion came from literally every other aspect. So much went unexplained, leaving Mike and me discussing the possibilities for roughly one hour after the movie ended. In fact, it was so intriguing that we opted out of dinner in favor of considering the intricacies of hijacking someone else’s dreams. I contemplated calling my brother to have him explain the movie, but I chose not to in favor of compiling a list of questions to send him in an email.

Day 80

In the blasting heat of the day Mike, Stacey, and I went for a long hike through the most beautiful section of Idaho that I’ve seen to date. Rolling green and brown hills with smatterings of trees and outcroppings of rock surrounded us while we got our legs covered in a combination of dust and sweat. And because we were so hot and sweaty by the end of the hike we decided that it would be a great cool-down to float down the river. So we held the rubber donuts out the car window again and headed to the river. Something happened, though, by the time we got the river: the clouds had rolled in. As we hiked down to the water’s edge it was actually quite cold. And, of course, the river’s temperature was the same as always - butt ass cold. We “manned up” and took the plunge anyway. Our reward? We enjoyed the last half of the trip accompanied by a lightning storm. We sort of feared for our lives, but we made it out of the water just as the storm got close and the rain started pouring. I really can’t tell if we were lucky or unlucky.

I cooked dinner for Mike, Stacey, and Stacey’s friend Amanda, with whom she has a gig next week and who was visiting to do a rehearsal. We had a delicious stir fry with quinoa (a van trip staple), with a nice salad, and what Billy brought for dessert, which was fruit and cream. It’s like we were rewarded for our bravery in the face of sure destruction from bolts of lightning with some yummy food.

More free food

Day 72

Today was average.

I did have a nice burrito in Ketchum, though.

Day 73

Today, above all other days, I got a great sense of the possibilities of the kinds of people out here in Idaho. Stacey wanted to play music with a new friend that lived down near Twin Falls (a veritable metropolis for Idaho). Amanda has played fiddle since she was four years old, and is also capable (and proficient) at playing the upright bass, and guitar as well. She’s actually quite good at everything, and picks up song after song as she and Stacey play on the street outside of a bar on the street. They’re just practicing, but every passing car stares at the two of them, turning their heads and leering for as long as possible. People who were eating outside came and thanked them as they left.

Back to the main point though. Amanda, Stacey and I were soon accompanied by a couple of other people: Lacey, and Hailey (no to be confused with the town that Stacey lives in). Lacey never said how old she is, but I’d guess somewhere around 20, and Hailey was 25. The two were very nice - something I’ve come to expect from everyone that I happen to meet on my travels - and we talk while Stacey and Amanda continue to play various songs. Shortly thereafter, more people showed up, including a man named John, a guy who must have been 6’ 8” (and who had just started to jump-start some dreads by putting honey in his hair), and Courtney, Hailey’s sister. There was also Hailey’s almost husband, Courtney’s husband, and John’s girlfriend, but I didn’t talk to them all that much so this story isn’t about them.

They were all quite happy to be out and they started drinking pitchers of beer that had ice holders built in - something I’ve never seen before. Lacey was told she had to leave by 11:15 by the bartender, which was weird because 1) she was just sitting outside and wasn’t drinking, and 2) the picked 11:15 almost randomly since it really has no significance that I can possibly think of. But before she leaves we all get to talking, and there was mention by Hailey how happy she was to be able to get a sitter for the kids. She also invites both Stacey and me to stay at their place for the night and that they have a brand new trailer that we can sleep in. She said that it might be a little noisy because of all the kids, but that it would be a great place to sleep. And then there was mention of how the place was a bit of a zoo because of all the kids. Through careful listing and some innocent questioning, I found out the following: Hailey, 25 years old, has 3 kids, Courtney, 30 years old, has six kids, and Lacey, 20 years old, has two kids. And they were all staying at the same house. One house, 11 kids, none of whom could have been more than 12 or so years old. In addition to all this nonsense of hundreds of too many kids, Hailey and Courtney started getting way too drunk, getting out of control and yelling wilding, and John (the huge dread head dude) told his girlfriend that he hated her. I quickly became uncomfortable with the whole situation because Stacey was playing music the whole time while I had to interact with this circus of people, so I had no one to turn to. It was good in a sense since it took me out of my comfort zone, but man did I ever want to decline the invitation to stay at their house. Shit. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. And at the end of all this mess was Hailey picking up the entire tab while her sister Courtney told her she couldn’t afford it. I wanted out.

Stacey and I had an interesting talk on the drive back to Hailey at 1 in the morning. We talked about how some people feel like they don’t have options. And these girls obviously felt like having babies was the thing to do. They were all nice people (until John said mean things to his girlfriend) and yet something made them feel like their best option would be to pop out tons of kids. And once they did that they felt trapped and maybe slightly depressed. It showed because of how happy they were that Stacey actually came to visit them and that there was something fun happening in Twin Falls. It’s hard to stay objective in situations like this, to think that their life choices might be good for them. I just can’t help but think that it’s unfortunate that they didn’t get to experience something else, maybe something more, or at least work at a job before they locked themselves into the life parenthood and stay-at-home momness. Because what it looked like was that they were probably deeply unhappy, and the solution is to turn to alcohol. The area that Stacey lives shows that not all of Idaho is like this by any means, and I’m sure this is all over, but there’s a very high rate of alcoholism (and worse) in sections of Idaho, and it’s no coincidence that it’s also the areas that don’t privilege education.

Day 74

There comes a time in every man’s life when he needs to pretend to be a professional photographer at a wedding in order to get some free food. At first I was hesitant since I wouldn’t have the proper attire and had no real means of blending in. Luckily it turned out not to be the wedding itself, but rather a celebration for a wedding that took place a couple of months ago. So I went, Stacey’s profession(ish) looking camera in hand. I got there rather sweaty since I had to bike, but Stacey’s band was already playing so I just waltzed in a started snapping photos in professional looking positions (like crouching and weird angles). As I took photos I drank some delicious lemonade and ate some mediocre appetizers. And then, from out of nowhere, a real professional photographer showed up, taking pictures of everything, including the fake photographer I mentioned earlier. At this point I just sat down and watched, realizing that I couldn’t compete with a camera twice the size of mine. When Stacey finished we ate some dinner (garden burger, potato salad, quinoa and veggies) and got the hell out of there. I managed to get through the whole ordeal without talking to a single person, which was quite nice.

Day 75

Breakfast today marked the first time on this whole trip that I got pancakes. Well, corncakes. So delicious. The diner didn’t have real maple syrup (idiots) so I settled for their homemade blueberry sauce that’s intended to go in crepes/blintzes. We nearly didn’t eat there though because Stacey realized that they didn’t have eggs benedict, which is apparently the only breakfast she accepts as delicious. Luckily we pointed out that two eggs (any style) can include poached eggs, and that the toast could include English muffin. So she basically just built her own. Close call.

Billy, Stacey, and I bought some inner-tubes and floated down the river that runs along town. Twice. It was so much fun that we decided to do a second run. Billy’s dad was super helpful and did the shuttling back and forth. I also found out he thought my name was Doug, so that was pretty funny too. There weren’t any huge rapids or anything, but it was fairly fast moving the whole time, so we covered the few miles quite quickly. It reminded me of the classic game, Toobin’, since we had to dodge such perilous obstacles as fishermen, fallen down trees, other inner-tubes, and alligators (not so much). God I love floating down rivers.

That night was dinner at Billy’s parents’ house, which was funny for two reasons: 1) Billy got stressed out and had to go pick up something at his house for the food we were making, which was code for having to take a bong rip, and 2) I counted the number of words Billy’s mom said to Stacey (67) because I was told that she’s very quiet. Dinner was quite delicious as Stacey made some grilled turnips, some salmon, and salad. The weird thing to me was that I found out that Billy’s dad doesn’t really eat fish, and neither does Billy’s brother. This is funny because for the past two months Billy’s brother has been up in Alaska fishing, and was bringing home a 38 pound salmon, which I guess no one is going to eat. Bizarre.

Day 76

Stacey and I took a 10 minute bike ride up to the botanical gardens in between Hailey and Ketchum. Only it took 45 minutes because Stacey really had no idea how far away it was, and we overshot it a bit because it wasn’t visible from the bike path. It was a nice little garden of various local plants and a vegetable and herb garden. There was a spot with a bunch of Buddhist stuff near a little creek, so we sat there and did some reading.

The second half of the day was cooking up some dinner and watching Burn After Reading. I’d already seen it, but it’s a fantastically absurd movie and was definitely worth a second viewing.

I also had a very interesting conversation when I called up to reserve a car at Avis. I prefaced the desire to reserve a car with the line “I rented a car last week and would like to rent one again on Wednesday.” After the man searched to make sure that he could have one available, his last question was “and what did you pay last time?” Huh? Not, “that’s going to be x dollars,” but, “we don’t have a fixed price, so sometimes we’ll screw you.” I thought the man was crazy, but I quoted the price I paid last time (which might have been discounted because Billy helped me rent the car last time) and he seemed fine with it. I wonder what would have happened if I said something totally bonkers like $2. Damn. Missed opportunity.

To sprinkle or to squeegee?

Day 67

Holy crap. Lazy. I didn’t leave the house until around 5. I feel like I wrote for a bit, but I can’t figure out what else I did during the other hours.

Then I left. I took Sophia around for a bike tour of Hailey because I’m now 100% qualified to tell people all about the town I’ve been in for less than a week. On the way back from the bike tour it got a little windy and I sneezed 200 times, blowing snot rockets as I pedaled.

We cooled down with some cocktails in Stacey’s backyard - wine for Stacey and Sophia and chips and salsa for me - until it was dark and time to cook dinner. I made some sweet fajitas. It’s interesting eating dinner at 11pm because you can’t tell what time it is when it stays light so late.

** Note: I seem to have chipped my front tooth, and I have no idea how. That’s Idaho for you.

Day 68

It’s Stacey’s birthday, and it’s a hell of a day. Sophia makes some delicious omelets, but since Stacey doesn’t have appropriate kitchenware like a spatula, thereby making it impossible to flip them, they turned into (as Sophia called them) open heart surgeries.

After breakfast was a hike that took us up a hill that gave us a lookout over the entire town of Hailey. After the hike Stacey showed me how to do some sweet exercises, including roundhouse kicks and wacky jacks. And since it was roughly 1 million degrees outside it left me quite sweaty.

But birthday night was quite a treat. It was Hailey Night of Music so there were 10 or 12 bands around town and pretty much everyone in town was out and about. Sophia and I watched Stacey play with her other band, which everyone agrees is an incredibly fun band. We also ran into almost everyone that I’ve met in my short time here so it’s almost like I’m a local now. My friend Matt (who offered to take us out on his boat last week) now offered me pizza and beer. But instead of getting free pizza from Matt, Stacey got some free pizza for playing the show in front of the restaurant, and Billy got us some veggie burritos. Everyone is quite giving. We also hung out with Billy’s dad for a bit (who said funny things like “we don’t see too much of Billy anymore because he’s always rubbing up against that one” and pointed at Stacey), and Stacey’s landlord and family (including her brother Seth, who looks like how I’ll look in 10 years).

Then the night got interesting. We went to the worst bar in town - Hailey Hotel - and met the real people of Hailey. Sophia and I met the Squeegee King (Andy), whose girlfriend is “fat and ugly and pissed.” He is supposedly schizophrenic (rumor), and he definitely acts a little out there, but he’s playing pool and hanging out with a bunch of other really drunk people so it’s pretty hard to tell. The Squeegee King is pretty cool though and offers me a job working with him part time the next day. He asks me if I smoke, and when I tell him I don’t he says at least he doesn’t have to waste more bud. He’s pretty awesome. We also get to meet this guy walking around with a backpack who almost gets in a fight with some kid who previously bit another guy we’re hanging out with, Evan, and who then starts a fight with a taxi driver because he’s upset with the service of that particular company. He was later arrested.

Funny story: a couple of days prior I got to meet Billy’s Dad and Uncle Randy (who has a huge beard and wears cutoff jean shorts), and as we’re talking Uncle Randy tells us what he’s been doing that day. He said “I was out back sprinkling.” I thought this was code for something, but it turns out that sprinkling is another word for watering the garden. And since I need work, what with all the money I’ll be spending on repairs, I tell them that one of my skills is sprinkling (my other skill is digging very small holes in topsoil). So the funny story is that Billy tells me that his dad and uncle were laughing for half an hour, saying “here’s a group of people with $150,000 worth of degrees, and he wants to sprinkle the garden.” The truth is, I sure wouldn’t mind doing some sprinkling.

Day 70

Here’s the conversation I (VanGuy) had with Andrew (Squeegee King) first thing (9:30) in the morning:

SK: “Hello?”

VG: “Hey, this is Seth from last night. Just wondering if you had any work today.”

SK: “Actually, I just had a woman call up and cancel. And I’m pretty hung over, so today’s probably not a good day.”

VG: “OK. Well, maybe I’ll give you a call later this week to see if you need any help.”

SK: “Uh-hunh. Who are you again?”

And that’s the story of how I didn’t get work.

It was Sophia’s last day here, so we had lunch at Billy’s restaurant, went for a walk down by the river, cooked up some dinner, and watched “A Single Man” (not a bad movie). The only problem with the day was that the movie ended at around 1:15. And that was a problem because....

Day 71

I woke up at 5:45 to help Stacey with her vegetable delivery route. I actually had to set my alarm for 5:00 and hit snooze for close to an hour to prepare myself. And we hit the road. But since this whole thing is nothing like what I would normally do I had to come up with a new alias. The result: Mitter Farmbottom, the Critical Systemology Organizing Analyzer, drove around some of the most boring looking towns and open fields in the Idaho area. However, there was some beautiful scenery down in the canyon of the Snake River. I also took a little nap for about 20 minutes, but was rudely awoken when Stacey hit a bird with her windshield. A really bizarre thing that I noticed when driving in the vegetable truck was that there was a lot of roadkill of hawks. Like, a dozen within a few miles. I think that they must have been chasing these little mice creatures that also seem to run around the road and don’t notice the cars coming. But I’ve never seen so many dead hawks.

The picking up and delivering of vegetables was pretty fun actually. And after getting to drive the truck, Stacey left me alone for the last two hours so that she could go play a gig at the Wicked Spud. I got to hand out vegetables with some other volunteers who were stationed at a school in Ketchum.

And I’ve noticed something quite disconcerting out here in Hailey: everyone knows where I’m from. Not in the creepy stalker sense, but in the “oh, yeah, I know Sebastopol sense.” For examples: 1) I bought salsa from a guy at the farmer’s market who used to live in Guerneville/Monte Rio. 2) I handed out vegetables with a guy whose daughter lives in Petaluma. 3) I talked with a guy in the park who used to live in Arcata. I mean, I guess people are allowed to know of places other than the one in which they live, but there’s a ton of people who either moved from or lived in northern California, and it freaks me out.

A man without a van

Day 60

Early to rise and early to see Old Faithful. There were a ton of people grouped around, waiting for the bastard to explode. It exploded. And then we left as quickly as possible. It felt like one of those touristy things that you have to do, and yeah the water came out the ground right on time, and yeah the water was probably pretty hot, but there were tons of other geysers in the park and it was hard to believe that this one was terribly more spectacular. Nice to see and nice to move on.

The Grand Tetons (meaning “great titties,” named after some horny French dudes’ idea of what boobies look like) are quite amazing. They just come jutting out of the ground next to a flat meadow and lake. Micah and I rented a canoe to head out onto the lake and get a view of the titties up close. There are no roads that lead to the mountains themselves, so you either hike or paddle, and our legs were a little tired of all the hiking.

Nighttime brought about a fire with wood that wasn’t quite dry and was a bitch and a half to get started. The goal: roast some hoof. And man, that was some tasty hoof.

Day 61

Starting the day with a short 7.5 mile hike is not Seth’s usual morning routine. But we were hiking along a string of lakes at the foothills of the Tetons and the weather was perfect so Seth relented. Totally worth it. Great hike, and probably the most beautiful landscape on the trip thus far.

The second half of the day was driving into the hell-hole that is Jackson, Wyoming. I think everyone who speaks fondly of that place must have been there like 30 years ago because at this point in time it’s a zoo of tourists walking around wooden sidewalks, buying hideous t-shirts and “old-timey” photos of themselves in cowboy hats. The whole place reeked of awfulness as arches into the town square were made of thousands of antlers, and the only shops around the square were either ice-cream or junk. Nothing fun. Nothing original. Weak. Instead of all that garbage we went to a cafe to use the internet to see if there was something interesting happening at night. There were two music options: a hootenanny and an American-alt band. We headed to the hootenanny. Then we realized that the hootenanny was at a resort. How the hell are we supposed to get the local flavor at a resort? Stupid.

So we went to the American-alt band, which turned out to be at a restaurant that served buckets of peanuts as an appetizer (and you threw the shells on the floor!) and had a field where kids ran around and played soccer. I wanted to go dominate, but refrained. I would have annihilated them.

Day 62

Today was a driving day. A day to get across Idaho to Stacey. And we almost made it. Almost. After passing through terrible looking little towns in the middle of a terribly hostile looking desert, we broke down. The real kind this time. The kind where you press on the gas pedal and you don’t move. There we were, sitting in the hot ass desert waiting for a tow truck to bring us to....where? My AAA coverage takes me 3 miles. We were about 20 miles from anywhere in either direction with closest options being Arco (backwards), or Carey, which has literally nothing. Just like every other time on this trip though, we got a little bit lucky. The tow truck driver, Troy, shows up while I’m on the phone with my uncle, trying to see if we can determine the problem. My uncle and I figure it’s nothing that can be fixed, and Troy called his boss and told us that we’re covered to Hailey - and nowhere else. 50 miles away, Hailey was actually our destination. Sometimes you have to wonder how things like this work out. (Micah actually surmised that perhaps Troy was just saying we were covered to Hailey because he felt bad for us and he was going to Hailey anyway. This, however, was never proven.)

Troy also turned out to be a pretty cool guy. He plays drums in a band - Kim Stockings - that had a show the next night. We told him we’d be there.

When Micah and I got to Hailey we biked to the local brewery to wait for my best friend Stacey to finish band practice. The beer was pretty good too, so waiting wasn’t too terrible. And it was great seeing Stacey when she arrived. I really don’t get to see her enough, and we always have a fun, laughy time when we’re together. Plus, she and her boyfriend Billy called everyone in town to see where to take my van, telling me about this guy Matt Garner who is an expert on VW vans and has a shop about 2 miles south. So I just cross my fingers and wait to call Matt the next day.

Day 63

Matt Garner is pretty booked, but he’ll take a look tomorrow, so I just have to be patient. Stacey has to work (her one day per week), so Micah and I are on our own here in Hailey. We check out the (what else?) local coffee shop and bike around town to get a feel for the place. It feels quite a bit like Sonoma County. I guess a lot of places do. And here I thought I lived somewhere unique. Silly me.

That night we meet up with Stacey to go to the Wicked Spud and listen to the local phenom, Kim Stockings (and say hi to our buddy Troy). The music is pretty good, but they’re a cover band, so nothing was new or exciting. Just a lot of well done covers of old rock and country songs. Thanks to Stacey we meet about half the town of Hailey - mainly a bunch of really nice dudes who love Stacey (as everyone seems to do), and other interesting people like a guy who hustles people at ping pong on this decrepit table, and another guy who plays guitar in the fashion of old NES games. This seems like a pretty cool place.

We drink a bit too much on this night, making the morning just a bit more painful.

Day 64

I’m the only one who has to wake up early (7:45!) to take my poor van to the shop. It takes me a long time too because any time you slow down the van just cuts out. So you can move forward, but any time you slow down you have to turn the van off, put it back in drive and go forward until you slow down again. I took some back roads so that people wouldn’t get pissed at the stupid VW that was acting a bit too much like what people think of when they think of VWs.

Matt and I take it around to see if we can diagnose the issue. He’s a little confused by how my van is acting, but comes up with what he thinks is the problem. Prognosis: transaxle. This is scary for two reasons: 1) I’ve never heard of that thing, and 2) It sounds expensive. The cloudiness I’m experiencing from all the pints from the night before aren’t really softening the news. I leave the van with Matt and just have to wait for a call to let me know what he finds out for sure.

I bike back to Stacey’s on this really nice road that meanders along a river and various little creeks. It takes about half an hour to get back, and I’m hungry! Sure hope there’s breakfast when I get baaaaaack.......nope. They’re still in bed. But eventually people leave the soft beds, and Stacey makes me a breakfast sandwich, which is delicious.

Micah and I go for a bike ride and picnic by the river in the afternoon, waiting for Stacey’s show that evening with her band “No Cheap Horses.” They’re quite good, but Stacey stands out as being the most engaging band member and she isn’t showcased nearly enough. Sometimes bands just don’t realize what they have until it’s too late.

Day 65

News: the repair will be a lot of money. The actual amount is still to be determined, but $1200-$1500 is the guess. Shite!

Stacey is picking up our other friend Sophia from the airport today, and the plan is to go to the lake (reservoir) with this guy Matt (not my mechanic) on his boat. Unfortunately, Stacey and Sophia get delayed (by Red Lobster and Target of all things) and Micah and I have no way of getting to Matt and his boat. So Micah and I spend our last day together (of this trip, of course) down by the river in the sun. It was really nice to be able to just hang out together and talk. Without our van, things have been a little different. We’ve been sleeping on the floor of a friend’s house (which we were both quite thankful for), but the comfort of the van and all our familiarity with living together in the little bus had shifted to kind of living in a house. Plus, the two of us were trying our best to not be sad that she was leaving. It was hard.

In the interim Stacey got kicked out of her band “No Pretty Horses” because, as all of us agreed, her band leader is a bitch. It essentially boiled down to Stacey being in too many bands, but still, what a stupid decision. Everyone last night was hollering when Stacey was singing lead, and when her “band leader” was singing we heard such things as “turn it up, guitar man.” Just saying.

That night, Billy cooked us all dinner, which consisted of some fresh caught trout with tidewater sauce (what the hell is that?), salad with roasted beets (which I originally heard as beef), and dessert at Billy’s restaurant. It’s not his, per se, but he seems to be well liked by everyone in the community so he always seems to be able to pull some strings. I got some carrot cake with ice cream. So delicious. Everything we ate that night was amazingly tasty.

Micah and I spent the last night together at Stacey's house, and it was really nice to be able to just relax and be together.

Day 66

With no van we had to rely on Billy’s connections to get us a good deal on a rental car, which was super nice of him. And Billy and Stacey actually brought us some breakfast as well. They’re good people. That’s for sure.

Micah got her last stuff out of the van and said goodbye to the little metal box that had been so good to us on this trip. Sad day indeed.

The drive to Boise is pretty ugly - lots of shrubbery and brown. Micah laughed at the sign that said “Welcome to Boise National Forest.” She said, “I don’t even see a single tree.” Her eyes did not deceive her.

The car we got was really fast (everything is compared to my van), and we got to Boise early enough for some lunch at a Mexican food whose “competition is in Mexico.” Except that it was only OK, so I doubt that their closest competition is a thousand miles away.

The goodbye at the airport was sad and teary (or, as Micah calls it, leaky). We said goodbye for now, and I drove back to Hailey alone.

The rest of the day was fun, but would have been a lot more fun if I didn’t just say goodbye to Micah and instead enjoyed it with her. We went to a reservoir with Billy’s friend Shane, who took us out on a boat to try out some water-skiing. I was not particularly good, but I did stand up and have a few fantastic wipeouts. I think my leg bent out completely sideways one time. Stacey and Billy tried to outdo each other while Sophia took pictures of all of us. Great time.....just could have been better.

That night there was a band - Old Man Markley - that Micah and I had actually seen in San Francisco, but they’re quite awesome and worth seeing again. They’re a nine piece bluegrass band that puts out a massive bundle of sound. Washboard, mandolin, harmonica, fiddle, all awesome. The crowd was odd though. Like something you’d see in San Diego. We were in Ketchum, which is north of Hailey, and more of the resort/yuppy area. The people there were dressed like people in southern California, and acting just as douchey. In addition there were a couple of guys whose dance moves were comprised of jumping as high as they could and flailing about as wildly as possible. There was also a bachelorette party there, so you can pretty much imagine what that was like. Luckily the music drown out most of it, and the night was fun regardless. Old Man Markley are like musical energy.

Lil bear meets a relative

Day 53

Drove to Bozeman. Why? Who knows! Seemed like the thing to do. It’s a reasonably sized city out here in Montana, and a great place to see some 4th of July fireworks. There was a campground outside of town a ways in the Gallatin National Forest, and with a little luck on our side we managed to get the last available site. At least 3 cars came in not five minutes after we arrived. This also marked the first time I got my hair cut. I sat out in the sun after running my head under the faucet and let Micah use some paper scissors on my head. It wasn’t a drastic cut, but I felt lighter, like my head was made out of clouds.

We then made the mistake of checking out Bozeman. It’s not a bad place, but on the 4th of July, in a place that sure likes the 4th of July, there was nothing open and nothing to do. Except for one thing: go to a bar. The guy behind the counter was useless, as every beer we asked him about he said he’d never tried it, and then admitted that he was pretty sure that he “couldn’t really taste the difference anyway.” So we got their cheapest varieties, which weren’t all that bad, and hung out for a few minutes before we decided to head over to the fairgrounds to check out the 4th of July festivities. Only, when we got there, there weren’t any festivities. It said it was from 7-11, but at 7 there was a booth with hot dogs and hamburgers, and a stand with cupcakes that were $3. So we promptly left. And there was nothing to do. We went back into town to see if there was a place to get some food, and there was. A steak/burger joint! And I do love French fries. Except (and this still baffles me), they said there was a 25 minute wait. I should mention that as we walked in there were four empty tables outside on the patio. What was the wait for? No clue. I probably don’t need to mention that we took our business elsewhere. The “elsewhere” turned out to be a sports-bar on the Montana State University campus, where I got a beer, and we shared a French fries and pizza - practically the best meal possible.

Eventually it was time to head back to the fairgrounds and see the fireworks. There was a sweet band playing all kinds of AC/DC and Bruce Springsteen songs, but there were disappointingly few people wearing American flags as clothing. Shame. The fireworks were great despite there being some rain throughout the show and the music not synching up properly with the show, creating odd intermissions while the fireworks waited for one song to end and the next to begin. Seems like they would have figured that kind of thing out ahead of time.

Day 54

Before leaving the campground we take a bunch of water from the faucet to fill the van up about half way. We were also in desperate need of showers, so we split up for the day, with Micah going to a community pool to swim and shower, and me to a climbing wall to climb and shower. Her route was considerably cheaper, but I hadn’t climbed the entire trip and was pretty excited to get the chance. The routes were pretty good, but I certainly missed playing add-a-hold with my dear Matt Smith and other climbing buddies.

We also had to buy groceries, and went to the local co-op. We nearly got boned. We bought all these things that were on sale and didn’t find out until the end that they were on sale for co-op members. Micah thought quickly though, and when asked if we were a member she told the woman that she was a member of a co-op in California, to which the woman responded “good enough for me.” That was pretty cool.

The last thing we did in Bozeman - something I will hold in my heart forever - was go to a coffee shop that had everything 50% off between 5 and 6 o’clock. 50%! Shit! We bought a tofu and veggie panini with a salad, a pumpkin spice bar, a raspberry and nut bar (kind of like a crumble), and an iced tea. For $7.20. If I lived in Bozeman, I think I’d be there often.

From Bozeman we took 89 down toward Yellowstone, but stopped just outside in order to ensure a camping spot and pay less for it. We were in a beautiful location along the Yellowstone River, but it was raining pretty hard, and we spent the night in the van. But that’s not all that happened. There was one really close call. We picked our site and then drove back to pay (we drove because of the rain, not because of atrophied legs). We I looked back up the dirt road we came down there was a wheel. And thinking that it was unlikely that someone else had so recently after our arrival also had bikes that could lose wheels, we ran and got it. It was pure luck that we saw it in time, and (more importantly) that it didn’t fall off on the highway. We’re still not sure how it got so loose, but all’s well that ends well.

Day 55

We snagged a camping spot (at Eagle Creek) right outside of Gardiner, which, in turn, is right outside of Yellowstone. Once claimed we drove into Yellowstone to explore for the day and get backpacking permits for the following two nights. Permits were obtained, and then we checked out the sulphur springs briefly before heading to the “Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.” AH! But along the way (all of which was quite lovely) there was a pile up of cars along the side of the road with people running about like nuttos. Micah wondered what the commotion was, and though I thought they were just looking at views, I stopped anyway because I’m a nice person (for now). I am so, so happy that I was wrong. Turned out to be a grizzly bear with her two cubs down below in a field. A grizzly! Sure, the picture that Micah took looks like there might be a blurry brown smudge in the middle of a green field, but with binoculars you could see them quite clearly. Totally amazing.

Artist Point was spectacular with all the rock colors - orange, pink, yellow - and the two falls (creatively named Upper and Lower) were pretty great as well. By then it was getting close to sunset so we headed back to our campsite at Eagle Creek. Only it wasn’t our site anymore. Some Texans (figures) took it upon themselves to make it their own, claiming they only “just 15 minutes ago saw that it had already been reserved.” Except that somehow they also moved the camping chair that we had set up without realizing that it was someone else’s chair. Those tricky Texans with all their smarts. So we shared the site, and got no compensation since the boneheaded Texan said that he too paid for the site (probably a lie). So I stewed in the van while we cooked dinner. And then, another guest arrived asking if they, too, could share the site with us. And did they offer to help with the cost? No. As this point I hated just about every human being in the world and had to take a breather. Micah was a better human than I and pointed out that others had helped us along the way. This was true and I had to accept it. Though I still hate those people for some illogical reason.

Day 56

Today was a great day - backpacking in Yellowstone. This hike was perfect for me since it was mostly flat and only 6 miles. We also packed more efficiently this time and ate all the food that we brought in. We hiked through meadows and open fields, sprinkled with forested areas and creeks. There was almost no wildlife sightings since we were busy shouting and scaring away potential bears. Scaring them away also required me to invent new songs about the bears and singing them loudly in order to convince them that we were scary and couldn’t carry a tune. And it worked.

We camped at the base of Mount Electric, which is the third highest peak in Yellowstone at about 10,900 ft. And in some sort of nutty karmic backlash, our campsite was already taken by a couple of Minnesotan dudes named Carston and something else. In Yellowstone, unlike some other national parks, back country camping only permits a single group per site. Yet somehow we got double booked. And yeah, I was bitter yet again, but these people were actually quite cool, and we ended up spending the evening with them, talking around the campfire. Several things of note that I found crazy:

1) There were more mosquitos here than anywhere else I’ve been except for the campsite in Montana at which I never left the van. Only this time there was no van to hide in, so I hid in my rain jacket.

2) Fires are permitted in Yellowstone. What?! This proved to be the true shield against my sworn enemies (mosquitos). You’re allowed to collect dead, fallen sticks and branches, so I scoured the area for as much as I could find and had a fire going for like 3 or 4 hours. And since it doesn’t really get dark until around 11, this was perfect since it gave mosquito protection long enough to see the stars.

3) The two Minnesotan guys were nuts. They were backpacking for 4 nights and brought the following: a stick of butter, a block of cheese, a container of maple syrup, pancake mix, pesto and pasta, a container of extra gas in case they needed any, plus a ton more food and their heavy ass camera equipment. We had dehydrated everything, and pretty much nothing else. I wished I was camping with them. I love pancakes.

Day 57

We wake up sore because it got so damn cold in the middle of the night. We sleep in though because once the sun was up it was nice and toasty in the tent. After breakfast we have to move camps, but it’s not far.

Today’s goal: summit Electric Mountain (or get as close as possible). The hike wasn’t easy. After the first mile it pretty much just went straight up. We got damn close, but we didn’t actually summit. We got high enough for a panoramic view of Yellowstone and called it a day. I realized that I don’t think I’ve ever tried to climb a mountain, and I think the reason I never tried is because it’s not all that much fun. It hurts, and yeah the view is nice, but is any of the upward movement really enjoyable? Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. But I’m leaning toward the “slightly more fun than getting ravaged by mosquitos” category, which, funny enough, happened to me on the hike up the mountain. There’s no escaping those bastards!

Day 58

We wake up far less sore because the night wasn’t nearly as brutal. Then came the hike out. It was completely uneventful. Except for one thing: we ran into a holy shit grizzly bear! Micah was in the lead and she said “oh, god, back away, back away.” And I backed away. And not 40 yards from where we were stood a grizzly on the hillside. It stared us down, and we backed away slowly (after I took blurry pictures of course). We remembered the safety video and refrained from making eye contact, and walked through a swamp in order to avoid getting too close. It was both scary and exhilarating. I don’t think we were in too great of danger as the bear never really moved or did anything, but still, you never know.

After the bear encounter we sang more loudly and nothing else happened.

Micah went into the ranger station to tell them about the encounter and describe what the bear was doing. Answer: looking at us and not doing anything.

We celebrated with some beer and pizza before calling it a night back at Eagle Creek where we had our site all to ourselves! No Texans or anything!

Day 59

Every once in a while you need to backtrack. And today was full of it. My van (Starvan) wasn’t acting so great, and after contacting my sage I realized that the wrong oil was in the van. Starvan’s lifeblood was killing him from the inside. I had accidentally given him a transfusion of terribly weak and lightweight oil when he needed some really heavy, thick stuff to help him go up hills and turn left occasionally.

The only problem was that on Saturday’s not much is open, and beyond that there was hardly anyone in the area who could work on such a vehicle as Starvan. But I managed to track down the correct filter and oil - it just meant going backwards. So back to Bozeman we went. And it pretty much worked out. It’s still not perfect - I dread knowing what’s really happening to my beloved van - but it’s certainly a lot better. And while we were waiting for the van to be done we happened upon a record store which was filled with awesomely old Nintendo games! The guy working the dungeon area (it was in the basement) was exactly what you’d expect from a guy working in a dungeon filled with video games. The experience was bittersweet.

Once everything was patched up we headed back into Yellowstone (going an alternate route and stopping once for very large sodas (mine was a Dr. Coker)) to see some of the sights that we hadn’t yet seen. So we went to the geyser section and saw the painter’s pots and some geysers not names Old Faithful. And then we went to Old Faithful. Problem: It was 8, Ol’ Faithy wasn’t set to off until about 9, we didn’t have a campsite, didn’t know where to go, and panicked. We didn’t stick around to see it blow, and opted instead to backtrack out of Yellowstone into West Yellowstone (the name of a town, which, you guessed it, is to the west of Yellowstone) and lucked ourselves into a campsite.