Floating on

Day 77

At the local YMCA in Ketchum they have a climbing wall. It was being completely overrun by very young children and a few girls who were trying to get the attention of the resident climbing expert. And then I showed up and dominated everyone. No one else was man enough (not even the young teenage girls) to tackle the bouldering cave, but to be honest even I was a little skeptical since they decided to rate the routes using the damn skiing symbols like blue square, green circle, yellow pot of gold, and red balloon. Though since I love Lucky Charms, it was pretty easy to devour everything they threw at me. Well, the double black diamonds were a little too hard. Stacey even tried to do some climbing, and she was pretty good except for that she was only able to do two routes before her arm muscles turned to jello. She remained sore two days later.

Billy and Stacey went out on a date to a sushi restaurant, which left me to partake in may favorite pastime: eat a humungous burrito. When they returned we watched “Burn After Reading,” which I’ve already seen, but it was still pretty funny. Those Coen brothers are mostly amazing.

Day 78

I started walking to Avis to rent a car to pick up my friend Mike at the airport in Boise, thinking that if I biked then when Mike and I drop off the car, I’d bike back to Stacey’s house and leave Mike to trek back alone. But then I realized that it would take me a very long time to walk there, and I could always take the car back by myself. So I turned around to get my bike. As soon as I got back to Stacey’s I heard a thunder clap and it started to pour. Huge drops. Part of me thinks that I’m a mad genius that can see things in the future, like temperamental weather, and maybe grocery store sales, and part of me thinks that I was just kind of dumb to begin with and my first plan was terrible.

It stopped raining when I had to leave on my bike and I thanked the sky lords that let me arrive at the car rental safe and dry. And when I entered the airport to go to the Avis counter, I entered a Seinfeld episode. I go to the counter, say that I have a reservation for a car, and they tell me that they don’t have a car for me. I so badly wanted to say “you know how to take a reservation, you just don’t know how to hold a reservation. And that’s really the most important feature of a reservation - the holding.” Instead I waited patiently for 45 minutes for them to figure out what to do. They eventually gave away another woman’s car who wasn’t due to show for another hour, but they charged me more because the car was larger than the “small car” that I had reserved. I told them that I didn’t ask for this size car, so I didn’t want to pay the extra cash. It went back and forth but I eventually gave up because I needed to get to the airport.

The drive was uneventful, and picking up Mike was a painless process, but we had to hurry back because we were meeting Stacey and Billey at South Valley Pizza for the best pizza in the area. The place closes at 9 and we had about 2 hours to make it there in time. We hauled ass and were treated to some delicious pizza. One of the pizzas had the following: onions, olives, cilantro, pineapple, jalapenos, garlic, with half red and half barbeque sauce. So very good.

We topped off the night with some “Religulous,” which Stacey was a little too tired to fully partake in, but Mike and I enjoyed revisiting. It’s a great movie to prompt some discussion about life, death, certainty, uncertainty, and the stupidity of certain senators and “scientists.”

Day 79

This was a day of adventure, floats, and confusion. The day started off with two consecutive floats down the river, but since we didn’t have a large truck for the tubes Mike and I had to hold them out the window of Stacey’s car while she drove. People stared at us and a few people even got the hell out of the way, thinking perhaps they’d get thwacked by the rubber donut. The floats were great, but since we went earlier in the day, it was a bit colder than it was the last time we floated down the river, resulting in some chilly splashes.

That afternoon involved a float of the root beer variety, consumed by Mike and me at the farmers’ market while we listed to Stacey and Mia play music. It was a nice hot afternoon spent sipping homemade root beer in the shade of a tree while live music sang out in the background.

I gave Mike a bike tour of the area, riding down along the river and then back up along the hillside. I think I’ve now gone on that loop a dozen times, but I still enjoy it. In fact, these last two weeks mark the most biking I’ve done since I lived in Davis without a car. It’s been a great change of pace, and biking to the grocery store and the river gives you a great sense of belonging in a place.

Mike and I finished off the day with a screening of the movie “Inception,” which was equal parts awesome and confusion. The awesome came from a really cool concept with some sweet action sequences, and the confusion came from literally every other aspect. So much went unexplained, leaving Mike and me discussing the possibilities for roughly one hour after the movie ended. In fact, it was so intriguing that we opted out of dinner in favor of considering the intricacies of hijacking someone else’s dreams. I contemplated calling my brother to have him explain the movie, but I chose not to in favor of compiling a list of questions to send him in an email.

Day 80

In the blasting heat of the day Mike, Stacey, and I went for a long hike through the most beautiful section of Idaho that I’ve seen to date. Rolling green and brown hills with smatterings of trees and outcroppings of rock surrounded us while we got our legs covered in a combination of dust and sweat. And because we were so hot and sweaty by the end of the hike we decided that it would be a great cool-down to float down the river. So we held the rubber donuts out the car window again and headed to the river. Something happened, though, by the time we got the river: the clouds had rolled in. As we hiked down to the water’s edge it was actually quite cold. And, of course, the river’s temperature was the same as always - butt ass cold. We “manned up” and took the plunge anyway. Our reward? We enjoyed the last half of the trip accompanied by a lightning storm. We sort of feared for our lives, but we made it out of the water just as the storm got close and the rain started pouring. I really can’t tell if we were lucky or unlucky.

I cooked dinner for Mike, Stacey, and Stacey’s friend Amanda, with whom she has a gig next week and who was visiting to do a rehearsal. We had a delicious stir fry with quinoa (a van trip staple), with a nice salad, and what Billy brought for dessert, which was fruit and cream. It’s like we were rewarded for our bravery in the face of sure destruction from bolts of lightning with some yummy food.

More free food

Day 72

Today was average.

I did have a nice burrito in Ketchum, though.

Day 73

Today, above all other days, I got a great sense of the possibilities of the kinds of people out here in Idaho. Stacey wanted to play music with a new friend that lived down near Twin Falls (a veritable metropolis for Idaho). Amanda has played fiddle since she was four years old, and is also capable (and proficient) at playing the upright bass, and guitar as well. She’s actually quite good at everything, and picks up song after song as she and Stacey play on the street outside of a bar on the street. They’re just practicing, but every passing car stares at the two of them, turning their heads and leering for as long as possible. People who were eating outside came and thanked them as they left.

Back to the main point though. Amanda, Stacey and I were soon accompanied by a couple of other people: Lacey, and Hailey (no to be confused with the town that Stacey lives in). Lacey never said how old she is, but I’d guess somewhere around 20, and Hailey was 25. The two were very nice - something I’ve come to expect from everyone that I happen to meet on my travels - and we talk while Stacey and Amanda continue to play various songs. Shortly thereafter, more people showed up, including a man named John, a guy who must have been 6’ 8” (and who had just started to jump-start some dreads by putting honey in his hair), and Courtney, Hailey’s sister. There was also Hailey’s almost husband, Courtney’s husband, and John’s girlfriend, but I didn’t talk to them all that much so this story isn’t about them.

They were all quite happy to be out and they started drinking pitchers of beer that had ice holders built in - something I’ve never seen before. Lacey was told she had to leave by 11:15 by the bartender, which was weird because 1) she was just sitting outside and wasn’t drinking, and 2) the picked 11:15 almost randomly since it really has no significance that I can possibly think of. But before she leaves we all get to talking, and there was mention by Hailey how happy she was to be able to get a sitter for the kids. She also invites both Stacey and me to stay at their place for the night and that they have a brand new trailer that we can sleep in. She said that it might be a little noisy because of all the kids, but that it would be a great place to sleep. And then there was mention of how the place was a bit of a zoo because of all the kids. Through careful listing and some innocent questioning, I found out the following: Hailey, 25 years old, has 3 kids, Courtney, 30 years old, has six kids, and Lacey, 20 years old, has two kids. And they were all staying at the same house. One house, 11 kids, none of whom could have been more than 12 or so years old. In addition to all this nonsense of hundreds of too many kids, Hailey and Courtney started getting way too drunk, getting out of control and yelling wilding, and John (the huge dread head dude) told his girlfriend that he hated her. I quickly became uncomfortable with the whole situation because Stacey was playing music the whole time while I had to interact with this circus of people, so I had no one to turn to. It was good in a sense since it took me out of my comfort zone, but man did I ever want to decline the invitation to stay at their house. Shit. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. And at the end of all this mess was Hailey picking up the entire tab while her sister Courtney told her she couldn’t afford it. I wanted out.

Stacey and I had an interesting talk on the drive back to Hailey at 1 in the morning. We talked about how some people feel like they don’t have options. And these girls obviously felt like having babies was the thing to do. They were all nice people (until John said mean things to his girlfriend) and yet something made them feel like their best option would be to pop out tons of kids. And once they did that they felt trapped and maybe slightly depressed. It showed because of how happy they were that Stacey actually came to visit them and that there was something fun happening in Twin Falls. It’s hard to stay objective in situations like this, to think that their life choices might be good for them. I just can’t help but think that it’s unfortunate that they didn’t get to experience something else, maybe something more, or at least work at a job before they locked themselves into the life parenthood and stay-at-home momness. Because what it looked like was that they were probably deeply unhappy, and the solution is to turn to alcohol. The area that Stacey lives shows that not all of Idaho is like this by any means, and I’m sure this is all over, but there’s a very high rate of alcoholism (and worse) in sections of Idaho, and it’s no coincidence that it’s also the areas that don’t privilege education.

Day 74

There comes a time in every man’s life when he needs to pretend to be a professional photographer at a wedding in order to get some free food. At first I was hesitant since I wouldn’t have the proper attire and had no real means of blending in. Luckily it turned out not to be the wedding itself, but rather a celebration for a wedding that took place a couple of months ago. So I went, Stacey’s profession(ish) looking camera in hand. I got there rather sweaty since I had to bike, but Stacey’s band was already playing so I just waltzed in a started snapping photos in professional looking positions (like crouching and weird angles). As I took photos I drank some delicious lemonade and ate some mediocre appetizers. And then, from out of nowhere, a real professional photographer showed up, taking pictures of everything, including the fake photographer I mentioned earlier. At this point I just sat down and watched, realizing that I couldn’t compete with a camera twice the size of mine. When Stacey finished we ate some dinner (garden burger, potato salad, quinoa and veggies) and got the hell out of there. I managed to get through the whole ordeal without talking to a single person, which was quite nice.

Day 75

Breakfast today marked the first time on this whole trip that I got pancakes. Well, corncakes. So delicious. The diner didn’t have real maple syrup (idiots) so I settled for their homemade blueberry sauce that’s intended to go in crepes/blintzes. We nearly didn’t eat there though because Stacey realized that they didn’t have eggs benedict, which is apparently the only breakfast she accepts as delicious. Luckily we pointed out that two eggs (any style) can include poached eggs, and that the toast could include English muffin. So she basically just built her own. Close call.

Billy, Stacey, and I bought some inner-tubes and floated down the river that runs along town. Twice. It was so much fun that we decided to do a second run. Billy’s dad was super helpful and did the shuttling back and forth. I also found out he thought my name was Doug, so that was pretty funny too. There weren’t any huge rapids or anything, but it was fairly fast moving the whole time, so we covered the few miles quite quickly. It reminded me of the classic game, Toobin’, since we had to dodge such perilous obstacles as fishermen, fallen down trees, other inner-tubes, and alligators (not so much). God I love floating down rivers.

That night was dinner at Billy’s parents’ house, which was funny for two reasons: 1) Billy got stressed out and had to go pick up something at his house for the food we were making, which was code for having to take a bong rip, and 2) I counted the number of words Billy’s mom said to Stacey (67) because I was told that she’s very quiet. Dinner was quite delicious as Stacey made some grilled turnips, some salmon, and salad. The weird thing to me was that I found out that Billy’s dad doesn’t really eat fish, and neither does Billy’s brother. This is funny because for the past two months Billy’s brother has been up in Alaska fishing, and was bringing home a 38 pound salmon, which I guess no one is going to eat. Bizarre.

Day 76

Stacey and I took a 10 minute bike ride up to the botanical gardens in between Hailey and Ketchum. Only it took 45 minutes because Stacey really had no idea how far away it was, and we overshot it a bit because it wasn’t visible from the bike path. It was a nice little garden of various local plants and a vegetable and herb garden. There was a spot with a bunch of Buddhist stuff near a little creek, so we sat there and did some reading.

The second half of the day was cooking up some dinner and watching Burn After Reading. I’d already seen it, but it’s a fantastically absurd movie and was definitely worth a second viewing.

I also had a very interesting conversation when I called up to reserve a car at Avis. I prefaced the desire to reserve a car with the line “I rented a car last week and would like to rent one again on Wednesday.” After the man searched to make sure that he could have one available, his last question was “and what did you pay last time?” Huh? Not, “that’s going to be x dollars,” but, “we don’t have a fixed price, so sometimes we’ll screw you.” I thought the man was crazy, but I quoted the price I paid last time (which might have been discounted because Billy helped me rent the car last time) and he seemed fine with it. I wonder what would have happened if I said something totally bonkers like $2. Damn. Missed opportunity.

To sprinkle or to squeegee?

Day 67

Holy crap. Lazy. I didn’t leave the house until around 5. I feel like I wrote for a bit, but I can’t figure out what else I did during the other hours.

Then I left. I took Sophia around for a bike tour of Hailey because I’m now 100% qualified to tell people all about the town I’ve been in for less than a week. On the way back from the bike tour it got a little windy and I sneezed 200 times, blowing snot rockets as I pedaled.

We cooled down with some cocktails in Stacey’s backyard - wine for Stacey and Sophia and chips and salsa for me - until it was dark and time to cook dinner. I made some sweet fajitas. It’s interesting eating dinner at 11pm because you can’t tell what time it is when it stays light so late.

** Note: I seem to have chipped my front tooth, and I have no idea how. That’s Idaho for you.

Day 68

It’s Stacey’s birthday, and it’s a hell of a day. Sophia makes some delicious omelets, but since Stacey doesn’t have appropriate kitchenware like a spatula, thereby making it impossible to flip them, they turned into (as Sophia called them) open heart surgeries.

After breakfast was a hike that took us up a hill that gave us a lookout over the entire town of Hailey. After the hike Stacey showed me how to do some sweet exercises, including roundhouse kicks and wacky jacks. And since it was roughly 1 million degrees outside it left me quite sweaty.

But birthday night was quite a treat. It was Hailey Night of Music so there were 10 or 12 bands around town and pretty much everyone in town was out and about. Sophia and I watched Stacey play with her other band, which everyone agrees is an incredibly fun band. We also ran into almost everyone that I’ve met in my short time here so it’s almost like I’m a local now. My friend Matt (who offered to take us out on his boat last week) now offered me pizza and beer. But instead of getting free pizza from Matt, Stacey got some free pizza for playing the show in front of the restaurant, and Billy got us some veggie burritos. Everyone is quite giving. We also hung out with Billy’s dad for a bit (who said funny things like “we don’t see too much of Billy anymore because he’s always rubbing up against that one” and pointed at Stacey), and Stacey’s landlord and family (including her brother Seth, who looks like how I’ll look in 10 years).

Then the night got interesting. We went to the worst bar in town - Hailey Hotel - and met the real people of Hailey. Sophia and I met the Squeegee King (Andy), whose girlfriend is “fat and ugly and pissed.” He is supposedly schizophrenic (rumor), and he definitely acts a little out there, but he’s playing pool and hanging out with a bunch of other really drunk people so it’s pretty hard to tell. The Squeegee King is pretty cool though and offers me a job working with him part time the next day. He asks me if I smoke, and when I tell him I don’t he says at least he doesn’t have to waste more bud. He’s pretty awesome. We also get to meet this guy walking around with a backpack who almost gets in a fight with some kid who previously bit another guy we’re hanging out with, Evan, and who then starts a fight with a taxi driver because he’s upset with the service of that particular company. He was later arrested.

Funny story: a couple of days prior I got to meet Billy’s Dad and Uncle Randy (who has a huge beard and wears cutoff jean shorts), and as we’re talking Uncle Randy tells us what he’s been doing that day. He said “I was out back sprinkling.” I thought this was code for something, but it turns out that sprinkling is another word for watering the garden. And since I need work, what with all the money I’ll be spending on repairs, I tell them that one of my skills is sprinkling (my other skill is digging very small holes in topsoil). So the funny story is that Billy tells me that his dad and uncle were laughing for half an hour, saying “here’s a group of people with $150,000 worth of degrees, and he wants to sprinkle the garden.” The truth is, I sure wouldn’t mind doing some sprinkling.

Day 70

Here’s the conversation I (VanGuy) had with Andrew (Squeegee King) first thing (9:30) in the morning:

SK: “Hello?”

VG: “Hey, this is Seth from last night. Just wondering if you had any work today.”

SK: “Actually, I just had a woman call up and cancel. And I’m pretty hung over, so today’s probably not a good day.”

VG: “OK. Well, maybe I’ll give you a call later this week to see if you need any help.”

SK: “Uh-hunh. Who are you again?”

And that’s the story of how I didn’t get work.

It was Sophia’s last day here, so we had lunch at Billy’s restaurant, went for a walk down by the river, cooked up some dinner, and watched “A Single Man” (not a bad movie). The only problem with the day was that the movie ended at around 1:15. And that was a problem because....

Day 71

I woke up at 5:45 to help Stacey with her vegetable delivery route. I actually had to set my alarm for 5:00 and hit snooze for close to an hour to prepare myself. And we hit the road. But since this whole thing is nothing like what I would normally do I had to come up with a new alias. The result: Mitter Farmbottom, the Critical Systemology Organizing Analyzer, drove around some of the most boring looking towns and open fields in the Idaho area. However, there was some beautiful scenery down in the canyon of the Snake River. I also took a little nap for about 20 minutes, but was rudely awoken when Stacey hit a bird with her windshield. A really bizarre thing that I noticed when driving in the vegetable truck was that there was a lot of roadkill of hawks. Like, a dozen within a few miles. I think that they must have been chasing these little mice creatures that also seem to run around the road and don’t notice the cars coming. But I’ve never seen so many dead hawks.

The picking up and delivering of vegetables was pretty fun actually. And after getting to drive the truck, Stacey left me alone for the last two hours so that she could go play a gig at the Wicked Spud. I got to hand out vegetables with some other volunteers who were stationed at a school in Ketchum.

And I’ve noticed something quite disconcerting out here in Hailey: everyone knows where I’m from. Not in the creepy stalker sense, but in the “oh, yeah, I know Sebastopol sense.” For examples: 1) I bought salsa from a guy at the farmer’s market who used to live in Guerneville/Monte Rio. 2) I handed out vegetables with a guy whose daughter lives in Petaluma. 3) I talked with a guy in the park who used to live in Arcata. I mean, I guess people are allowed to know of places other than the one in which they live, but there’s a ton of people who either moved from or lived in northern California, and it freaks me out.

A man without a van

Day 60

Early to rise and early to see Old Faithful. There were a ton of people grouped around, waiting for the bastard to explode. It exploded. And then we left as quickly as possible. It felt like one of those touristy things that you have to do, and yeah the water came out the ground right on time, and yeah the water was probably pretty hot, but there were tons of other geysers in the park and it was hard to believe that this one was terribly more spectacular. Nice to see and nice to move on.

The Grand Tetons (meaning “great titties,” named after some horny French dudes’ idea of what boobies look like) are quite amazing. They just come jutting out of the ground next to a flat meadow and lake. Micah and I rented a canoe to head out onto the lake and get a view of the titties up close. There are no roads that lead to the mountains themselves, so you either hike or paddle, and our legs were a little tired of all the hiking.

Nighttime brought about a fire with wood that wasn’t quite dry and was a bitch and a half to get started. The goal: roast some hoof. And man, that was some tasty hoof.

Day 61

Starting the day with a short 7.5 mile hike is not Seth’s usual morning routine. But we were hiking along a string of lakes at the foothills of the Tetons and the weather was perfect so Seth relented. Totally worth it. Great hike, and probably the most beautiful landscape on the trip thus far.

The second half of the day was driving into the hell-hole that is Jackson, Wyoming. I think everyone who speaks fondly of that place must have been there like 30 years ago because at this point in time it’s a zoo of tourists walking around wooden sidewalks, buying hideous t-shirts and “old-timey” photos of themselves in cowboy hats. The whole place reeked of awfulness as arches into the town square were made of thousands of antlers, and the only shops around the square were either ice-cream or junk. Nothing fun. Nothing original. Weak. Instead of all that garbage we went to a cafe to use the internet to see if there was something interesting happening at night. There were two music options: a hootenanny and an American-alt band. We headed to the hootenanny. Then we realized that the hootenanny was at a resort. How the hell are we supposed to get the local flavor at a resort? Stupid.

So we went to the American-alt band, which turned out to be at a restaurant that served buckets of peanuts as an appetizer (and you threw the shells on the floor!) and had a field where kids ran around and played soccer. I wanted to go dominate, but refrained. I would have annihilated them.

Day 62

Today was a driving day. A day to get across Idaho to Stacey. And we almost made it. Almost. After passing through terrible looking little towns in the middle of a terribly hostile looking desert, we broke down. The real kind this time. The kind where you press on the gas pedal and you don’t move. There we were, sitting in the hot ass desert waiting for a tow truck to bring us to....where? My AAA coverage takes me 3 miles. We were about 20 miles from anywhere in either direction with closest options being Arco (backwards), or Carey, which has literally nothing. Just like every other time on this trip though, we got a little bit lucky. The tow truck driver, Troy, shows up while I’m on the phone with my uncle, trying to see if we can determine the problem. My uncle and I figure it’s nothing that can be fixed, and Troy called his boss and told us that we’re covered to Hailey - and nowhere else. 50 miles away, Hailey was actually our destination. Sometimes you have to wonder how things like this work out. (Micah actually surmised that perhaps Troy was just saying we were covered to Hailey because he felt bad for us and he was going to Hailey anyway. This, however, was never proven.)

Troy also turned out to be a pretty cool guy. He plays drums in a band - Kim Stockings - that had a show the next night. We told him we’d be there.

When Micah and I got to Hailey we biked to the local brewery to wait for my best friend Stacey to finish band practice. The beer was pretty good too, so waiting wasn’t too terrible. And it was great seeing Stacey when she arrived. I really don’t get to see her enough, and we always have a fun, laughy time when we’re together. Plus, she and her boyfriend Billy called everyone in town to see where to take my van, telling me about this guy Matt Garner who is an expert on VW vans and has a shop about 2 miles south. So I just cross my fingers and wait to call Matt the next day.

Day 63

Matt Garner is pretty booked, but he’ll take a look tomorrow, so I just have to be patient. Stacey has to work (her one day per week), so Micah and I are on our own here in Hailey. We check out the (what else?) local coffee shop and bike around town to get a feel for the place. It feels quite a bit like Sonoma County. I guess a lot of places do. And here I thought I lived somewhere unique. Silly me.

That night we meet up with Stacey to go to the Wicked Spud and listen to the local phenom, Kim Stockings (and say hi to our buddy Troy). The music is pretty good, but they’re a cover band, so nothing was new or exciting. Just a lot of well done covers of old rock and country songs. Thanks to Stacey we meet about half the town of Hailey - mainly a bunch of really nice dudes who love Stacey (as everyone seems to do), and other interesting people like a guy who hustles people at ping pong on this decrepit table, and another guy who plays guitar in the fashion of old NES games. This seems like a pretty cool place.

We drink a bit too much on this night, making the morning just a bit more painful.

Day 64

I’m the only one who has to wake up early (7:45!) to take my poor van to the shop. It takes me a long time too because any time you slow down the van just cuts out. So you can move forward, but any time you slow down you have to turn the van off, put it back in drive and go forward until you slow down again. I took some back roads so that people wouldn’t get pissed at the stupid VW that was acting a bit too much like what people think of when they think of VWs.

Matt and I take it around to see if we can diagnose the issue. He’s a little confused by how my van is acting, but comes up with what he thinks is the problem. Prognosis: transaxle. This is scary for two reasons: 1) I’ve never heard of that thing, and 2) It sounds expensive. The cloudiness I’m experiencing from all the pints from the night before aren’t really softening the news. I leave the van with Matt and just have to wait for a call to let me know what he finds out for sure.

I bike back to Stacey’s on this really nice road that meanders along a river and various little creeks. It takes about half an hour to get back, and I’m hungry! Sure hope there’s breakfast when I get baaaaaack.......nope. They’re still in bed. But eventually people leave the soft beds, and Stacey makes me a breakfast sandwich, which is delicious.

Micah and I go for a bike ride and picnic by the river in the afternoon, waiting for Stacey’s show that evening with her band “No Cheap Horses.” They’re quite good, but Stacey stands out as being the most engaging band member and she isn’t showcased nearly enough. Sometimes bands just don’t realize what they have until it’s too late.

Day 65

News: the repair will be a lot of money. The actual amount is still to be determined, but $1200-$1500 is the guess. Shite!

Stacey is picking up our other friend Sophia from the airport today, and the plan is to go to the lake (reservoir) with this guy Matt (not my mechanic) on his boat. Unfortunately, Stacey and Sophia get delayed (by Red Lobster and Target of all things) and Micah and I have no way of getting to Matt and his boat. So Micah and I spend our last day together (of this trip, of course) down by the river in the sun. It was really nice to be able to just hang out together and talk. Without our van, things have been a little different. We’ve been sleeping on the floor of a friend’s house (which we were both quite thankful for), but the comfort of the van and all our familiarity with living together in the little bus had shifted to kind of living in a house. Plus, the two of us were trying our best to not be sad that she was leaving. It was hard.

In the interim Stacey got kicked out of her band “No Pretty Horses” because, as all of us agreed, her band leader is a bitch. It essentially boiled down to Stacey being in too many bands, but still, what a stupid decision. Everyone last night was hollering when Stacey was singing lead, and when her “band leader” was singing we heard such things as “turn it up, guitar man.” Just saying.

That night, Billy cooked us all dinner, which consisted of some fresh caught trout with tidewater sauce (what the hell is that?), salad with roasted beets (which I originally heard as beef), and dessert at Billy’s restaurant. It’s not his, per se, but he seems to be well liked by everyone in the community so he always seems to be able to pull some strings. I got some carrot cake with ice cream. So delicious. Everything we ate that night was amazingly tasty.

Micah and I spent the last night together at Stacey's house, and it was really nice to be able to just relax and be together.

Day 66

With no van we had to rely on Billy’s connections to get us a good deal on a rental car, which was super nice of him. And Billy and Stacey actually brought us some breakfast as well. They’re good people. That’s for sure.

Micah got her last stuff out of the van and said goodbye to the little metal box that had been so good to us on this trip. Sad day indeed.

The drive to Boise is pretty ugly - lots of shrubbery and brown. Micah laughed at the sign that said “Welcome to Boise National Forest.” She said, “I don’t even see a single tree.” Her eyes did not deceive her.

The car we got was really fast (everything is compared to my van), and we got to Boise early enough for some lunch at a Mexican food whose “competition is in Mexico.” Except that it was only OK, so I doubt that their closest competition is a thousand miles away.

The goodbye at the airport was sad and teary (or, as Micah calls it, leaky). We said goodbye for now, and I drove back to Hailey alone.

The rest of the day was fun, but would have been a lot more fun if I didn’t just say goodbye to Micah and instead enjoyed it with her. We went to a reservoir with Billy’s friend Shane, who took us out on a boat to try out some water-skiing. I was not particularly good, but I did stand up and have a few fantastic wipeouts. I think my leg bent out completely sideways one time. Stacey and Billy tried to outdo each other while Sophia took pictures of all of us. Great time.....just could have been better.

That night there was a band - Old Man Markley - that Micah and I had actually seen in San Francisco, but they’re quite awesome and worth seeing again. They’re a nine piece bluegrass band that puts out a massive bundle of sound. Washboard, mandolin, harmonica, fiddle, all awesome. The crowd was odd though. Like something you’d see in San Diego. We were in Ketchum, which is north of Hailey, and more of the resort/yuppy area. The people there were dressed like people in southern California, and acting just as douchey. In addition there were a couple of guys whose dance moves were comprised of jumping as high as they could and flailing about as wildly as possible. There was also a bachelorette party there, so you can pretty much imagine what that was like. Luckily the music drown out most of it, and the night was fun regardless. Old Man Markley are like musical energy.

Lil bear meets a relative

Day 53

Drove to Bozeman. Why? Who knows! Seemed like the thing to do. It’s a reasonably sized city out here in Montana, and a great place to see some 4th of July fireworks. There was a campground outside of town a ways in the Gallatin National Forest, and with a little luck on our side we managed to get the last available site. At least 3 cars came in not five minutes after we arrived. This also marked the first time I got my hair cut. I sat out in the sun after running my head under the faucet and let Micah use some paper scissors on my head. It wasn’t a drastic cut, but I felt lighter, like my head was made out of clouds.

We then made the mistake of checking out Bozeman. It’s not a bad place, but on the 4th of July, in a place that sure likes the 4th of July, there was nothing open and nothing to do. Except for one thing: go to a bar. The guy behind the counter was useless, as every beer we asked him about he said he’d never tried it, and then admitted that he was pretty sure that he “couldn’t really taste the difference anyway.” So we got their cheapest varieties, which weren’t all that bad, and hung out for a few minutes before we decided to head over to the fairgrounds to check out the 4th of July festivities. Only, when we got there, there weren’t any festivities. It said it was from 7-11, but at 7 there was a booth with hot dogs and hamburgers, and a stand with cupcakes that were $3. So we promptly left. And there was nothing to do. We went back into town to see if there was a place to get some food, and there was. A steak/burger joint! And I do love French fries. Except (and this still baffles me), they said there was a 25 minute wait. I should mention that as we walked in there were four empty tables outside on the patio. What was the wait for? No clue. I probably don’t need to mention that we took our business elsewhere. The “elsewhere” turned out to be a sports-bar on the Montana State University campus, where I got a beer, and we shared a French fries and pizza - practically the best meal possible.

Eventually it was time to head back to the fairgrounds and see the fireworks. There was a sweet band playing all kinds of AC/DC and Bruce Springsteen songs, but there were disappointingly few people wearing American flags as clothing. Shame. The fireworks were great despite there being some rain throughout the show and the music not synching up properly with the show, creating odd intermissions while the fireworks waited for one song to end and the next to begin. Seems like they would have figured that kind of thing out ahead of time.

Day 54

Before leaving the campground we take a bunch of water from the faucet to fill the van up about half way. We were also in desperate need of showers, so we split up for the day, with Micah going to a community pool to swim and shower, and me to a climbing wall to climb and shower. Her route was considerably cheaper, but I hadn’t climbed the entire trip and was pretty excited to get the chance. The routes were pretty good, but I certainly missed playing add-a-hold with my dear Matt Smith and other climbing buddies.

We also had to buy groceries, and went to the local co-op. We nearly got boned. We bought all these things that were on sale and didn’t find out until the end that they were on sale for co-op members. Micah thought quickly though, and when asked if we were a member she told the woman that she was a member of a co-op in California, to which the woman responded “good enough for me.” That was pretty cool.

The last thing we did in Bozeman - something I will hold in my heart forever - was go to a coffee shop that had everything 50% off between 5 and 6 o’clock. 50%! Shit! We bought a tofu and veggie panini with a salad, a pumpkin spice bar, a raspberry and nut bar (kind of like a crumble), and an iced tea. For $7.20. If I lived in Bozeman, I think I’d be there often.

From Bozeman we took 89 down toward Yellowstone, but stopped just outside in order to ensure a camping spot and pay less for it. We were in a beautiful location along the Yellowstone River, but it was raining pretty hard, and we spent the night in the van. But that’s not all that happened. There was one really close call. We picked our site and then drove back to pay (we drove because of the rain, not because of atrophied legs). We I looked back up the dirt road we came down there was a wheel. And thinking that it was unlikely that someone else had so recently after our arrival also had bikes that could lose wheels, we ran and got it. It was pure luck that we saw it in time, and (more importantly) that it didn’t fall off on the highway. We’re still not sure how it got so loose, but all’s well that ends well.

Day 55

We snagged a camping spot (at Eagle Creek) right outside of Gardiner, which, in turn, is right outside of Yellowstone. Once claimed we drove into Yellowstone to explore for the day and get backpacking permits for the following two nights. Permits were obtained, and then we checked out the sulphur springs briefly before heading to the “Grand Canyon of Yellowstone.” AH! But along the way (all of which was quite lovely) there was a pile up of cars along the side of the road with people running about like nuttos. Micah wondered what the commotion was, and though I thought they were just looking at views, I stopped anyway because I’m a nice person (for now). I am so, so happy that I was wrong. Turned out to be a grizzly bear with her two cubs down below in a field. A grizzly! Sure, the picture that Micah took looks like there might be a blurry brown smudge in the middle of a green field, but with binoculars you could see them quite clearly. Totally amazing.

Artist Point was spectacular with all the rock colors - orange, pink, yellow - and the two falls (creatively named Upper and Lower) were pretty great as well. By then it was getting close to sunset so we headed back to our campsite at Eagle Creek. Only it wasn’t our site anymore. Some Texans (figures) took it upon themselves to make it their own, claiming they only “just 15 minutes ago saw that it had already been reserved.” Except that somehow they also moved the camping chair that we had set up without realizing that it was someone else’s chair. Those tricky Texans with all their smarts. So we shared the site, and got no compensation since the boneheaded Texan said that he too paid for the site (probably a lie). So I stewed in the van while we cooked dinner. And then, another guest arrived asking if they, too, could share the site with us. And did they offer to help with the cost? No. As this point I hated just about every human being in the world and had to take a breather. Micah was a better human than I and pointed out that others had helped us along the way. This was true and I had to accept it. Though I still hate those people for some illogical reason.

Day 56

Today was a great day - backpacking in Yellowstone. This hike was perfect for me since it was mostly flat and only 6 miles. We also packed more efficiently this time and ate all the food that we brought in. We hiked through meadows and open fields, sprinkled with forested areas and creeks. There was almost no wildlife sightings since we were busy shouting and scaring away potential bears. Scaring them away also required me to invent new songs about the bears and singing them loudly in order to convince them that we were scary and couldn’t carry a tune. And it worked.

We camped at the base of Mount Electric, which is the third highest peak in Yellowstone at about 10,900 ft. And in some sort of nutty karmic backlash, our campsite was already taken by a couple of Minnesotan dudes named Carston and something else. In Yellowstone, unlike some other national parks, back country camping only permits a single group per site. Yet somehow we got double booked. And yeah, I was bitter yet again, but these people were actually quite cool, and we ended up spending the evening with them, talking around the campfire. Several things of note that I found crazy:

1) There were more mosquitos here than anywhere else I’ve been except for the campsite in Montana at which I never left the van. Only this time there was no van to hide in, so I hid in my rain jacket.

2) Fires are permitted in Yellowstone. What?! This proved to be the true shield against my sworn enemies (mosquitos). You’re allowed to collect dead, fallen sticks and branches, so I scoured the area for as much as I could find and had a fire going for like 3 or 4 hours. And since it doesn’t really get dark until around 11, this was perfect since it gave mosquito protection long enough to see the stars.

3) The two Minnesotan guys were nuts. They were backpacking for 4 nights and brought the following: a stick of butter, a block of cheese, a container of maple syrup, pancake mix, pesto and pasta, a container of extra gas in case they needed any, plus a ton more food and their heavy ass camera equipment. We had dehydrated everything, and pretty much nothing else. I wished I was camping with them. I love pancakes.

Day 57

We wake up sore because it got so damn cold in the middle of the night. We sleep in though because once the sun was up it was nice and toasty in the tent. After breakfast we have to move camps, but it’s not far.

Today’s goal: summit Electric Mountain (or get as close as possible). The hike wasn’t easy. After the first mile it pretty much just went straight up. We got damn close, but we didn’t actually summit. We got high enough for a panoramic view of Yellowstone and called it a day. I realized that I don’t think I’ve ever tried to climb a mountain, and I think the reason I never tried is because it’s not all that much fun. It hurts, and yeah the view is nice, but is any of the upward movement really enjoyable? Maybe. I haven’t decided yet. But I’m leaning toward the “slightly more fun than getting ravaged by mosquitos” category, which, funny enough, happened to me on the hike up the mountain. There’s no escaping those bastards!

Day 58

We wake up far less sore because the night wasn’t nearly as brutal. Then came the hike out. It was completely uneventful. Except for one thing: we ran into a holy shit grizzly bear! Micah was in the lead and she said “oh, god, back away, back away.” And I backed away. And not 40 yards from where we were stood a grizzly on the hillside. It stared us down, and we backed away slowly (after I took blurry pictures of course). We remembered the safety video and refrained from making eye contact, and walked through a swamp in order to avoid getting too close. It was both scary and exhilarating. I don’t think we were in too great of danger as the bear never really moved or did anything, but still, you never know.

After the bear encounter we sang more loudly and nothing else happened.

Micah went into the ranger station to tell them about the encounter and describe what the bear was doing. Answer: looking at us and not doing anything.

We celebrated with some beer and pizza before calling it a night back at Eagle Creek where we had our site all to ourselves! No Texans or anything!

Day 59

Every once in a while you need to backtrack. And today was full of it. My van (Starvan) wasn’t acting so great, and after contacting my sage I realized that the wrong oil was in the van. Starvan’s lifeblood was killing him from the inside. I had accidentally given him a transfusion of terribly weak and lightweight oil when he needed some really heavy, thick stuff to help him go up hills and turn left occasionally.

The only problem was that on Saturday’s not much is open, and beyond that there was hardly anyone in the area who could work on such a vehicle as Starvan. But I managed to track down the correct filter and oil - it just meant going backwards. So back to Bozeman we went. And it pretty much worked out. It’s still not perfect - I dread knowing what’s really happening to my beloved van - but it’s certainly a lot better. And while we were waiting for the van to be done we happened upon a record store which was filled with awesomely old Nintendo games! The guy working the dungeon area (it was in the basement) was exactly what you’d expect from a guy working in a dungeon filled with video games. The experience was bittersweet.

Once everything was patched up we headed back into Yellowstone (going an alternate route and stopping once for very large sodas (mine was a Dr. Coker)) to see some of the sights that we hadn’t yet seen. So we went to the geyser section and saw the painter’s pots and some geysers not names Old Faithful. And then we went to Old Faithful. Problem: It was 8, Ol’ Faithy wasn’t set to off until about 9, we didn’t have a campsite, didn’t know where to go, and panicked. We didn’t stick around to see it blow, and opted instead to backtrack out of Yellowstone into West Yellowstone (the name of a town, which, you guessed it, is to the west of Yellowstone) and lucked ourselves into a campsite.

What is backpacking, really?

Day 44

We wake up at Linny’s house and head to the market for some sticky buns covered in pecans, and another of Linny’s truffles (lime instead of raspberry this time). We say our goodbyes to our newfound Canadian friends, anxiously awaiting the meeting of our next friends down in Winlaw. The drive isn’t far and it’s still fairly early, so we drive down to a park in Winlaw that has some picnic tables and swings right next to the river. It’s quite hot in the sun, but the water is prohibitively cold, so we don’t swim. Instead, we bask in the sun (and quickly move to the shade) to play cards and do some writing (independently). After we hang out for long enough we head back into town (which is exactly 6 buildings) to call up Barry and see when we might be able to stop by. I use a pay-phone since our cell phones don’t work, and since I get their machine I tell them that we’re at the cafe in town if they want to stop by, otherwise we’ll go for a walk and call them back later if they don’t leave a message at the cafe for us. It’s a long and complicated message with a lot of “uhs,” which Micah finds charming and makes me self-conscious. They don’t show up, so we go for a walk along the river for several miles and come back. We go to the cafe. No message. Micah calls (I didn’t want to because of the self-conscious thing I just mentioned five sentences ago), but again no one picks up. As much as we want to see Barry and hang out with some more locals, we want to keep moving, and who knows if he’d ever answer the phone. I feel like both parties missed out on a great opportunity to let us drink their water, take a shower in their bathroom, and do laundry at their house. What a loss.

Nelson ends up being our next stop. Nelson = Sebastopol x Canada + (More Drugs x Younger People) + A Lake. And it just so happened that a street faire was going on that night with much music and crafting, and a lot of young people. But the young people came in two varieties: 1) Younger than Micah and me, maybe like 16-19, and 2) The same age as us with kids. There were no exceptions. Apparently this is also a place that many Californians migrate to because it’s so much like California.

Fun fact: had we camped near Nelson we were told that you need to put chicken wire around your parked vehicle or porcupines will eat your tires and breaks. What the hell? To clarify, they eat anything rubber or plastic. Turns out porcupines are quite stupid. I still want to see one though. We later found out from a couple of great guys in Montana - Mike and Don, who will appear later on - that you never, never tell border guards you are going to Nelson because of it’s association with hippies and drugs. It’s legal to have 4 ounces of marijuana there so there’s an immediate assumption that everyone going there is going there for a very specific reason. Good lesson.

Day 45

Upon the recommendation of an employee of an ourdoorsy type store, we decide to backpack out at Christina Lake, which is southwest of Nelson about an hour. It prides itself on being the warmest lake in British Columbia, which, upon touching the water, proves that there are in fact no warm lakes in British Columbia. We arrive, and Micah’s not feeling all that well (probably the beer and pizza from Nelson interacting with prejudiced body energy that repels all things delicious), so instead of hiking out right away we go swimming. A wise choice. It saves us from leaving in the heat of the day, and plus it’s one of the only times this trip when it’s been warm enough to swim comfortably.

After a swim we hike. And the hike isn’t all that bad. The first part is straight up about 1000 feet, but then it levels off and we have a beautiful stroll up above the lake for a few miles. Then, fortunately and unfortunately, we go down to our campsite by the lake. Fortunately because it’s down by the water. Unfortunately because the hill down is a steep mother f’er.

The site is beautiful, but we’re not exactly remote. Like, there are speed boats going by constantly. Plus, we have the misfortune of having some lame asses park their boat in front of our campsite and stay the night. For most of the evening they let their dog roam around land (our land!) while they sat in their boat and drank wine. Lame.

Day 46

Christina Lake, part II. We spend the entire day swimming, relaxing, eating some variety of dried food, and building campfires. It’s a pretty sweet day, but at the end of the day, just like the day prior, guests arrive. This time though, they’re some friendly Canadians in kayaks who agree that you’ll find rednecks everywhere you go. We hang out with them during the sunset, which was amazing because it looked like the sky was on fire, and chatted about life in Canada. They claim that BC stands for Bring Cash based on the fact that everything’s expensive, and that every time they need to go to Vancouver (they live in Victoria), that it costs them $100 for the ferry. They were nice, and a lot more respectful than the other guests we had (and who, I am now remembering, had a boat of their own guests come, and one of them told the original rude couple to feed those “hippie backpackers” to their dog. I wanted to throw feces at them.). But it was still a great day of nice weather and fun in the water.

Day 47

Christina Lake, part III. Instead of lazing around our campsite all day, we hike to the other end of the lake (sans backpacks) to explore the area. It’s all quite lovely, but at the same time it’s all quite the same. At the other end of the lake we went swimming to cool off after the hike, and there was a boat nearby blasting lame American hardcore rock. We planned on being out here for 7 days, but it’s looking less and less likely that we have any desire to stay that long. The clincher comes around dinner time when we run out of propane for the cook stove. No oatmeal for breakfast? See ya.

Day 48

Christina Lake, part IV. We have peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast, take one last swim in the lake (which isn’t our last swim in the lake), and hike out. It’s not a very hard hike with our packs lighter, but that doesn’t stop us from going for one last swim (this time for real) in the lake when we get back to the van covered in soaking, sweaty clothes.

As we drive out, trying to determine where to go next, we stop for the all-American meal: Burger, fries, root beer float. The burger is veggie, so we cheated slightly, but man was that satisfying. Micah felt terrible for days, but there’s no denying the brilliance of a root beer float.

The decision: leave Canada. And not a moment too soon either. After a much easier border crossing back into the states, I learned one of those life lessons I always heard about. And the lesson? Whenever your smart uncle tells you to check the belts, you should check the belts before you break down in front of some Montananite’s house where you need to use their phone because there’s no cell reception anywhere but in the center lane of the highway and you have to wait until AAA gets there and takes you to a little podunk repair shop that may or may not have any parts that you might need and you’re stuck there for possibly forever. Only some of that happened, and on the bright side the people there were super nice, and they brought us some beers while we waited for AAA. The hotel we had to stay at was expensive for how crappy it was, but it did have both a shower and a TV, so that was awesome. (Creepy side note: the kid behind the counter has the same last name as Micah, meaning she might be related to the kind of people you would normally associate with Montana - Troy specifically. Troy’s motto: low on elevation, high on recreation. Someone else told us it was the dumbest section of Montana. Nice people though.)

Day 49

I call D’s Shop (because apparently it is d’ only shop in town) and tell him what’s wrong with the van and he says “OK. Three things. Number one, I don’t work on VWs. Number two, I’m booked until a week and a half from now. Number three, I might not have the parts you need. But bring it in and we’ll see what we can do.” Turns out Bob is a nice guy, and within a few hours we’re back on the road in tip top shape. (Next time I’ll check the belts!). We drive through some towns, load up on essentials, and head to Glacier National Park.We get there in the evening, so we don’t have time to do much, but we get a campsite, and head out to McDonald Lake, which is quite nice, and quite cold. And, uh, I think that’s pretty much it. More Glacier the tomorrow!

Day 50

Glacier is an interesting place. It’s pretty awesome in terms of mountains and views and diversity of landscape. It’s also a bitch to get through by car. There’s one road - Going-to-the-sun-road - which takes about 2 hours to drive through. And it’s totally worth it. The views of the landscape are spectacular, and it would take a very long time to see it all by foot. However, the traffic is nuts, and there was also road work with like 20-30 minute delays. Also, StarVan (I think I’ve decided that’s the best name for it since it is made of the strongest steel and turns left with ease) doesn’t particularly like going up really steep hills at a very stop and go pace. So we had lunch when it seemed to be overheating slightly. Overall, the drive was more like 3.5 hours to go 50 miles, so yeah, beautiful and slow.

We also got a back-country permit to go backpacking the next night out at Cracker Lake. But in the meantime we got a campsite at Rising Sun, and then drove to Sun Point to hike around St. Mary’s Lake and out to Virginia Falls. It was all quite lovely, and the weather (though not great) held up long enough for the hike. At the campsite there was entertainment in the form of songs and acoustic guitar, which we skipped. Thank god. Instead we played cards and had beer and chips (both potato and corn with salsa), and then had dinner (burritos), and went to bed.

Day 51

During the night there was a thunderstorm, which was awesome to sleep through, but not so awesome the next day when it was still overcast and gloomy. But we were optimistic and drove to the parking lot that housed the starting point for the trail to Cracker Lake. And then we got there. And our optimism was shattered. It was freezing as hell, windy as shit, and rainy as fuck. And we left. We were both very sad to not be able to backpack in Glacier, but it wouldn’t have been that fun anyway since the fog/clouds were hiding all the views and mountains anyway. Ah, well. Another time.

Next stop: south somewhere. We drove through a small town, Choteau, and did laundry and drank cold drinks before driving down into Helena, which was pretty big. We had a couple of potential campsites lined up outside of town, and so we drove on our merry little way, forgetting (perhaps intentionally) that it was nearing the fourth of July. Campsite #1: full. Campsite #2: full. Campsite #3: closed? Campsite #4: no such thing. We were stuck in Helena with no campsites, and about 1.5 hours of daylight at the most. We’d been driving almost all day and neither of us wanted to go further south to more campgrounds that could also be full so we did what we typically do in cities: drive to a park, cook dinner, and then find a place on the street to park. EXCEPT this time, the park - for reasons we could not understand - was allowing camping for $10 a night in the parking lot. Praise jesus! We later found out that camping was going on because there was a baseball tournament for ages like 8-16 in which hundreds of crazy parents in huge trucks or SUVs sat in their cars and watched little kids playing baseball while honking their horns and screaming things that none of the kids could have possibly heard from that distance. Quite a spectacle. But the night was incredible. We had an amazing view of plains into hills into mountains. The whole area is beautiful. I loved the open land. You can probably see for like 200 miles. The big sky state indeed.

Day 52

Good night’s sleep? Not especially. Trains went by like every half hour, and once 6:30 rolled around there were hordes of people playing, warming up for, or watching baseball. And yelling (“We’re so fired up! Say we’re so fired up!”). Can’t forget the yelling. After breakfast we went to a coffee shop to take care of business (both in terms of using the internet for important matters and me clogging the toilet). After all essentials are done, we head back to the van. Dead battery! Drat! My fridge is supposed to pull only from the auxiliary battery, but something went haywire and everything died. Oops. After getting tired of waiting for AAA, who were taking their sweet time, I tried flagging down some people for a jump. But I had little success. In the meantime, Micah was sitting in the van, and someone parked next to us and gave us a jump after she asked politely. Some people have all the luck.

Back on the road we wanted to find a real campsite, and managed to find a sweet one right by a river teeming with swarms of mosquitos. But I survived by never ever leaving the van. Ever.