Home (of a sort) at last

Day 100

Distance from Sebastopol, CA to Boulder, CO = 1276 miles

Distance I traveled from Sebastopol, CA to Boulder, CO = 7568 miles

Day 101 - 106

I’m officially in Boulder with Micah, reunited with the one I love. It's a time for happiness and joy. Like that song by the dog and cat. It’s been quite an adjustment from over a month apart to now getting to spend time together on a regular basis. Mostly good. But Micah is also living a life here, full of school work, socializing with classmates, getting a new room prepared to live in, etc. So time isn't always spent together, and it's hard when that's all I want. I'll get used to it, but without anything to really do, what's a man to do? Well, I’ve been doing my best to keep busy. When I’m not happily spending time with Micah, or Micah and her friends, I’ve been busy applying to jobs, most notably Front Range Community College as part time faculty. I obviously wouldn’t start this fall, but hopefully in the future I’d be able to get back into teaching. My other idea is to work at this video game shop that sells retro games. I already went there to scope it out, so now I’m just busy tailoring my resume to things relevant to that industry, which basically means I’m making a fake resume outlining all my game related accomplishments through the years. I have a feeling a million people want to work there, but there’s no harm in trying. Besides jobs I’ve located a great indoor soccer league, and there are several climbing walls in town for me to go play around on. I think that everyone here is probably a better climber than I am, but maybe not as good at add-a-hold games that rely on reachy moves followed by matches.

We’ve done some pretty fun stuff since I’ve arrived, including seeing a show by this girl Bearkat, a concert by the Fruit Bats, a pool party with all Micah’s friends, and a day by the creek that runs through the canyon. The weather has been mostly hot, but I’m told that by the time September ends there will be no more heat. So might as well make the most of it. I think there’s some talk of camping this weekend, which would be great.

The worst thing that’s happened so far is my near destruction by a mad man at the Fruit Bats concert. He was taking upwards of 700 photos with his iPhone during the show, and I decided to put my middle finger into one of them. He then confronted me, telling me how I ruined the shot, and that it’s his job to take pictures (with an iPhone? Really?). I think it was supposed to be a picture of one of the band member’s shoes (which he already took maybe 50 of), and now it had a bit more flipping off than shoe. I apologized, but he was kind of upset, and didn’t accept. Ah, well. Some people just don’t let go of things. Luckily nothing happened, and he went back to taking a thousand more photos.

All of Micah’s friends are very nice people, and I’m hoping to make some friendships with them myself. It’s hard at the moment though, since most of the conversation is directed toward class, counseling, therapy, psychologizing, and the like. I can talk about that stuff, but maybe once the semester gets rolling they’re have a greater desire to discuss other topics, such as hair pants, fruit rankings, and the merits of soft-serve ice cream. One day.

Other quick bits that deserve exclamation marks:

- I’ve seen three foxes here already!

- I’m going to do some repairs on the van while I’m stationed here! Exciting!

- Micah and I are back together!

- Biking up the hill to her house is impossible! For now!

- There’s a mountain lion den up the hill behind Micah’s house! I can hear them (I think!)!

- Gas is cheaper here! $2.63!

- I’ve been to three breweries! And there’s more than that!

Well, that’s about it for now. Not sure what the updates will look like for the next bit as my trip takes an intermission to stay with Micah for as long as I can (hopefully a month). I’ll do my best to keep things consistent, as you’ve come to expect from yours truly, but I can’t make any promises. Plus, an entire post devoted to sitting at a coffee shop waiting for Micah’s class to end is not always conducive to interesting stories. But you never know. Something crazy might happen, like when Enoch was at a Starbucks (as usual), and someone came in and robbed the place.

Leaving the land of absurd liquor laws

Day 96

Canyonlands National Park seems to be too tucked away for most people to bother, and that’s a shame, unless you don’t mind being in a huge outdoor area with very few people, which I do. It’s a great area, tons of trails to explore, and there aren’t mobs of people all over. We were only here for a day though, and the day we chose was like 100 degrees, so we waited until the evening to wander about. The five mile hike we did was really fun because you’re essentially climbing around on rocks, making your own trail, and just making sure there are some cairns in sight so that you know you’re no absolutely lost. That was the first part anyway. Then it heads down into a canyon with normal style trails made of boring dirt. That was less exciting. Still, I would come back here in a heartbeat. It’s way less traveled since it’s about 35 miles off the highway, which makes it ideal for hiking and back-country camping.

The night didn’t get much cooler, and we almost skipped making dinner. But we didn’t, and we made a stir fry with tofu, onion, broccoli, and ginger. We also had some nuts for a snack. The night had no breeze, it was stuffy as hell in the van, and I doubt it ever got below 80. Thunderstorms kept threatening, but they were always a couple of miles off. Where’s the luck?

Day 97

Worn out from all the hiking, we relaxed most of the day in the town of Moab, which I’ve been told is really cool. Not true. It’s probably a lot like Jackson, Wyoming in that people have fond memories of how cool a place it was in the middle of a bunch of horrible places, but at this point it’s just another tourist town with literally no local flavor. Touring companies, clothing companies, cheesy restaurants, and hotels litter the area. We ate at a place called Zax, which was decent, but nothing spectacular outside of their homemade root beer. Except, when I asked the waitress about the homemade root beer advertised on the menu she told me that was a misprint. It wasn’t actually made there, but some place down the road. Who let that one slip? They also had beer on tap, but they water everything down to 3.2%. Weak. In many ways.

The coffee shop was nice though, and served non-watered-down caffeinated beverages. They also had a sweet piece of art hanging in the window. It was a window, and on each of the six panes a VW van was painted in various colors. If I had an extra 250 bucks, I’d have gotten it. Maybe I’ll just make my own.

We slept in this almost abandoned campsite three miles outside of Moab along the Colorado River. The only other person we saw was also in a Vanagon. Sweet. It was also half price for people with a National Park Pass, dropping the price down to $6 a night. We found out later that it’s unlikely anyone ever checks to see if you’ve paid, so it technically could have been free, but the park services are a good thing to support, so says Mike. Really he just doesn’t like to break the rules.

Day 98

Arches is a lot like Yellowstone. A lot. The landscapes are entirely different, but if you go on a trail to something worth seeing, you’re essentially walking in a line behind a whole bunch of other people. Mike and I did the long loop up at the northern end of the park that branches off a bunch of times to see all the various arches in the area, and at every single one there were people sitting about, looking around or eating a Subway sandwich. It’s a little disappointing when nature is so cramped. We did take the “primitive” trail on the way back, but there were still quite a few people on that as well. The arches are quite amazing to see though, so it’s a shame that the only way to see them is by standing shoulder to shoulder with Asian women wearing slippers and fat white dudes smoking cigars (true people!).

We then needed a shower. Pretty badly. We hadn’t showered since Arizona, which means there was no bathing after hikes in Monument Valley, Natural Bridges (where I fell in mud, remember), or Canyonlands. So once we hiked our six miles at Arches, we were past due. We went to the bike shop, which offers public showers, but it’s closed on Tuesdays. Huh? The shower door, however, was open, so we went inside. Except that the shower head was on the floor, along with a lot of drywall. No luck there. So we went to a hostel at the edge of town and took $3 showers. Refreshed, we treated ourselves to stomach destroying root beer floats. They were so good. Mike overheard a couple (hopefully from another country) whisper to each, asking “what are those?” in relation to our floats. What is wrong with people?

The evening was spent in the shade at our campsite, reading, drinking some IPAs, eating fajitas, and enjoying out last night in Utah. Tomorrow Mike goes to the airport in Grand Junction, Colorado, and I’ll have officially left Utah behind, and officially be on my own. Well, until I meet up with Micah at the end of the week, which is rather exciting.

Day 99

Another sad day in the life of VanGuy. After spending a couple of quality hours at a brewery in Grand Junction, Colorado (which serves beer with normal alcohol levels), I had to send off another van traveller. I dropped off Mike at the airport, bidding adieu to my Utah travel companion. I held back the leaks this time, though I was still a bit choked up driving away.

I now sit in Glenwood Springs, Colorado, which seems to be a nice enough place, but everything is already closed and there’s not a lot to do. I’m also already a little lonely. I’m going to research something to do for tomorrow, but I’m pretty much just anticipating being in Boulder at this point and don’t have much of a drive to do a whole heck of a lot. Just biding my time.

Oh, the heat!

Day 92

The second day of Zion included some hiking, unlike the first day when we decided to just be lazy. And the hike was intense. It was essentially 3.5 miles up a long series of switchbacks that led up to Observation Point, which gives you a view of the entire valley. We went through some cool canyons, like Echo Canyon, but for the most part we were walking along the edge of a cliff the whole time. The smartest thing we did is start in the morning before the sun started baking the first uphill stretch prior to entering a canyon area, because once we hit the cliff face when the sun was out, we roasted. The lookout, though, was really an amazing look at the valley floor and the various types of rock siding along up the canyon walls. It was the only hike that we did that day because of how strenuous it was (down was cake, admittedly) and Zion seems like a great place to go backpacking in because of how inaccessible the northern sections are.

On the shuttle ride back from the hike I encountered a young apprentice wizard wielding a menacing looking staff. I sat in the back and kept my distance.

Today I also did a valuable service to the park by ratting out a couple of no-gooders who were breaking branches off of trees and smashing logs against rocks in an effort to collect firewood, which is strictly prohibited. I told the camp host who then caught them and then proceeded to radio in the park service to scare them a little. Felt pretty good watching those bastards get busted.

Day 93

Moving on from Utah (temporarily), we headed south out of Zion and into Arizona for a night on our way to the eastern side of Utah and Monument Valley. So we stopped off in the half-way point of Page, AZ. And let me tell you, it was melt-your-face-off hot. Walking around Page was an oppressive experience. We hid temporarily in a coffee shop to collect ourselves and research camping options before picking up the necessary provisions (hint: beer with more than 3.2% alcohol). As hot and miserable as it was, I made it worse by making a very questionable decision. See, we decided to treat ourselves to some burritos in Arizona where they must be good, and chose an authentic Mexican restaurant, which translates into bonus lard. I ate quite a bit of my burrito and rice and beans (when do burritos that weigh over a pound come with a side of one pound worth or lard enhanced rice and beans?), and regretted it for most of the afternoon. Funny story: I had leftovers (because of the enormosity of the burrito), and shared it with Mike the next day for a late lunch. Neither of us had dinner that night.

We stayed in Glen Canyon National Recreation Area for the night, and that was a very, very smart choice. The campgrounds themselves were on the pricey side, and they didn’t offer a ton of shade, but there’s a massive lake there that’s absolutely perfect for swimming in. We went swimming in the evening as the sun was setting, relaxing in the amazingly warm and refreshing water until after the sun set. And when I got out of the water and felt the cool breeze against my skin and I shivered, I knew in my heart of hearts that I needed to hold on to that sensation, as it might be the last time I feel that for weeks.

The strangest occurrence, by far, since entering the southwest, has been its saturation by French people. There were over 130 campsites at Glen Canyon, and I didn’t hear a single other person speak English. We tried doing laundry but there were over a dozen French people (mostly very young - 16-22) sitting with their bundles of dirty clothes waiting for machines to open up. What the hell is going on? Why do the French love the southwest? Mike and I believe it’s their infatuation with all things cowboy, but that doesn’t explain why they were all hanging out in Page, which, quite honestly, was a crap town. This was just our introduction to the French invasion, for it surely didn’t stop there......bum, bum, buuuuuum (as in the menacing sound).

Day 94

Despite its crapulence, we didn’t leave Page all that quickly. We stayed for a nice morning swim in Glen Canyon before heading back to Page to do some laundry (because the French still had total dominance over the one at the campsite), which took longer than we’d hoped. We took refuge in the coffee shop while we waited for our laundry to dry, and were treated to an amazing episode of Bridezillas once the girl working behind the counter switched the channel off NASCAR. We didn’t make the mistake of getting stomach destroying burritos this time though, and once our clothes were done we drove to Monument Valley.

Here’s the travesty: I don’t know a fact about Monument Valley. There was probably some literature about why there’s these huge rock formations that look like they’re jutting up out of nowhere, but that literature went unread (by me) and so all I can say is that the rocks look cool, and I don’t understand them. (If anyone wants to school me, please be my guest.) Mike and I took a night hike around the monuments, which was really very cool in the setting sun and moonlight. The whole area is really quite beautiful. It’s a very peaceful area. The whole Navajo reservation is quite unusual as you drive along these highways with almost no signs of life. The little houses are all tucked away in the small trees.

After we watched a movie (and I wisely hooked the computer into my van’s speakers for way better sound) we heard some noise outside. At 12:30 in the a.m. there was a gaggle of French people showing up to camp near us. Of course, the whole setup at Monument Valley is rather strange. The camping area is literally a circle of dirt that you park in. That’s it. Oh, and turd shacks (port-o-potties). But I’m telling you, there’s something going on with all these French people everywhere.

Day 95

We woke to find that almost all the French people had left - almost assuredly heading to our next destination, which was Natural Bridges. And sure enough, we’re on the highway - which then turns into a really steep, really frightening dirt road that my van barely made it up - and every car that passes us has a little French flag waving in the wind. They came in packs of 4 to 8, and they were all driving such things as Chevy Impalas, waving their French flags. This group seemed much older than the previous Glen Canyon group, maybe more like 40s instead of teenagers, but still. What’s up?

The plan was to take a nice 8.5 mile hike through the canyon at Natural Bridges to see the three natural bridges, but it ended up being about a 7 mile hike that was both treacherous difficult as hell. They should rename the trail “booby-trap canyon of doom and death.” Here’s the problem: there is no trail. You basically just follow the creek bed until you hit all the bridges. But somewhere along the way we took a wrong turn into an entirely different canyon headed outside the park, and it was only a bit of luck and good thinking on our parts that told us to turn back. The danger came not only in the form of unmarked routes outside of the canyon, but in the f’ing land-mines everywhere. Logs broke when stepped on, parts of cliffs eroded from underneath me, there were cacti and sticker bushes that I had to blaze through, not to mention the fact that I was swallowed up to nearly my knees in mud (making my socks/shoes wet the whole hike), nearly fell while skirting a cliff face, and had to do actually rock climbing moves when we realized we had to backtrack. It was an absolute nightmare, and we didn’t even get to see one of the three bridges. I’m just happy that we turned back instead of marching forward to our certain doom. Oh, and did I mention that it was hot as hell down in that canyon? It was the first time on this trip (excluding my first backpacking excursion) that a hike really, really kicked my ass. And, in case you’re wondering, after leaving my shoes out in the sun for two hours they’re now at the point of only being totally soaked.

I love Mormons, but do they love me?

Day 83

Stacey and Billy were too busy jacking around playing tennis and doing 100 yard dashes to join Mike and me for an ice cream sundaes at the restaurant where Billy works. So we ate them alone, sad that our friends didn’t have the time to join our merriment.

Day 84

As is the case after a day of ice cream sundaes, we spent almost the entire day making sure our figures stayed trim. And although Stacey didn’t partake in the eating of ice cream covered in either a caramel or chocolate sauce and topped with crack (homemade toffee), she too joined in. Mike actually went running in the morning, which was a mistake since we decided to do a gauntlet of fun exercises. First up: the inner-tube hold. In this event Mike and I had to hold an inner-tube out the window of a car going 55 mph while the wind tried to whip it out of our hands without letting go. Task #1 was a success, and we delivered the tube to Stacey’s aunt unharmed. Second: hike 5 miles up a mountain with an elevation gain of roughly 4000 ft. Task #2 was a failure. After 1.5 miles Stacey thought she was going to die from dehydration and/or low blood sugar. She powered through it, but after about 3.5 miles we realized that the gondola that we were planning on taking down the mountain was not in service because there was a Steve Martin (the comedian) concert down in the park below. Thus, we turned around and hiked back down like chickens. The silver lining was that we got to walk past Steve Martin doing a sound check while the security guys made sure we kept walking, which we did very slowly. Thirdly: exercise at the YMCA on empty stomachs. Task #3 was a success. While I was busy climbing black diamond routes, Stacey and Mike hit the weight room and did some other unknown exercises that were probably all pretty wussy compared to clinging to small crimpers 14 feet up. Reward: burritos for all. We ate until we were slightly sick and then back.

There was an old-timey bluegrass band playing in town that Stacey simply had to see, so we biked over to give them a listen and relax for a bit. A few other people ended up joining us, and we hung out for a couple of hours while the old-timey band (comprised entirely of truly old-timey human beings) strummed their sweet mandolins/guitars/banjos.

Day 85

Sitting and waiting best explains what happened today. The van should be done. But it takes a while longer than anticipated, so there’s quite a lot of sitting and waiting. And watching TV. And waiting. Come on van! It’s like it’s at the hospital and we just don’t know if it’s going to make it. I have a really good feeling that everything will be OK, but stranger things have happened. Something might need to be amputated. It might never be able to drive up a hill again. Starvan! NoooooooO!

End result of the waiting: I’m still in Idaho.

Day 86

I woke up very, very optimistic. And then I called to see about the van. I was told that German Transaxle, who did the repair on the transmission, didn’t ship one of the parts back. So my options were to either pay Matt the labor costs to remove that piece from another van, or to wait another day while the part is shipped. I chose to have Matt strip the part from another van so that we could be on our way.

I get a call at 5:00 from Matt. He says that he wasn’t able to get that part. The van will be done tomorrow.

I went to bed much, much less optimistic that I’d ever leave Idaho.

Day 87

The van, which was supposed to be done by noon, was eventually completed around 4pm. This meant a late start. The saddest part was that since we had to haul ass down into Utah so that we could see everything that we wanted to and not have to leave the national parks before we were ready, this meant leaving Hailey, ID, which had become my home, a little too quickly. It sounds weird, I know. But I got to spend three weeks in Hailey, hanging out with Stacey (and bunch of other great people that helped enrich the entire experience) and getting the sensation of belonging to a place. Even though I told everyone that I met that I’d be in town as long as the van was broken and not a moment longer, I really was sad to leave. It was another leaky moment for VanGuy, saying goodbye to Stacey and hitting the road. I absolutely loved being around Stacey for the first time in over a year. We had a great time in Idaho and I can’t thank her enough for letting me overstay my welcome on her floor in her studio apartment. Bye Stacey. I miss you already.

But I didn’t have time to feel sad or miss Hailey. Mike and I needed to jet the hell out of there. And we did. Matt and I took the van for a test run, everything was great, and Mike and I drove for about 4.5 hours down into Ogden, Utah. But we had no intention of sticking around in Ogden - a glorified suburb of Salt Lake City - so we drove toward the small town of Huntsville through this really cool, really windy canyon. The reason that it was cool was not because it was beautiful. Heck, we couldn’t see a darned thing it was so dark out. The reason that it was a great place (and great drive) was that we drove through it during a thunder storm, and with every bolt the entire canyon lit up for a split second, giving everything a very fleeting, ethereal feel. The mountains seemed to pop up out of nowhere, and they held this amazing glow in the brief moment that lightning illuminated them.

The only problem was that the campsites that we had directions to were all full by the time we got there. So we had to turn around and head back down the canyon until we found a sweet little pull-off to stealth camp in. Mike was a little nervous, having never done this before, but we were in a good spot (essentially a trail head) and no one bothered us. We were too tired to make dinner though, so we ate PB&J sandwiches with Ranger IPAs. Trip to Utah: success.

Day 88

Trip to Utah: less successful that I hoped. We woke, ate breakfast, and drove down to a coffee shop to take advantage of their facilities (an old standby from the good ol’ days with Micah). We went in, but Mike reminded me that we needed my computer to check the directions to our next campsite, located roughly 4 hours south near the town of Beaver (which proves that even people from Utah have a sense of humor). As I got my computer I figured I might as well check to see everything in the important section of the van (the rear end) was doing alright. And, lo and behold, it wasn’t! There was a coolant leak, and a pretty good one at that. I opened the cover and saw that one of the hoses was saturated and leaking coolant at a much too rapid rate. So I left Mike at the coffee shop and drove to a Napa Auto Parts to get this whole thing fixed up. It was a simple fix: Step #1 - take off shitty hose, Step #2 - put on new hose. Piece of cake. Except that when I took off the hose I also took off the nipple. This meant that the hose had nothing to attach to, making it impossible to fix unless I replace the upper section of the thermostat housing. I went into Napa and said the only one was in Salt Lake City, and they had no way of getting it. I nearly broke down at this point. How could all this shit be happening to me? I’m a (relatively) good person. Just let my van work already! I didn’t break down and cry (as much as I wanted to), and the guys at Napa helped me out a ton by having their store down in Bountiful pick it up from Salt Lake so that at least I had a shorter train ride. Mike, stranded back at the coffee shop) had to bike to me so that we could get on the train and go to Bountiful.

The train ride went smoothly, and the dude from the Napa store actually met us at the train station to sell me that part, which was awesome because it saved us from having to walk 3 miles, and because he sold it to me in the parking lot at 2:05, meaning we caught the 2:07 train back to Ogden instead of the 3:07 train (or later) had he not met us. On the train ride back we met a dude, Charles Bale, who had walked across the U.S. in 3.5 months because he was bored. He also tried to sell me some “spice” - something that looked very suspicious, but which he claimed was not - and told me to call him if I needed any VW parts because he had a van that he couldn’t get to work and would be willing to give me parts off of it. I can’t express just how nice everyone is. Other notable people on the train: 1) a nice girl who offered me a cookie, and who expressed that it was good in an effort to convince me when I declined the offer, 2) two young teenage girls that told the most mundane stories you’ve ever heard (mostly about boys) and couldn’t stop giggling for the life of them, 3) a little boy who told his mom (after coming out of the bathroom) that he forgot to wash his hands, at which point his little brother confessed that he too forgot to wash his hands in an obvious attempt to be just as cool.

Back at Napa I worked for close to 2 hours getting the part in place and refilling the coolant. It sounds easy, but putting coolant in a Vanagon is a serious ass pain. Had I not called various folks, and talked to some passerby about the procedures, I surely would have screwed up. As far as I can tell, I didn’t screw up though, and I haven’t seen a leak yet. This marked the first time that I did an actual repair by myself. It was scary as hell, but I’m starting to gain some confidence. Look out VW world, I’m starting to figure out your tricks.

Mike and I celebrated at a brewery, but the beers in Utah have to be 3.2%, which is lame. Very, very lame.

And, just like the night previous, we left late and showed up at our campsite after dark. This time, however, there were actually spots for us, waiting, hoping we’d show. Even though we had yet another van setback, we busted through the repair and ended up remaining right on schedule to Bryce Canyon the following day.

Day 89

Woke up, no van problems (unless you count not being able to fill the water tank for some strange reason, which, I guess you could count), and hit the road early so that we could get to Bryce and get a camping spot. It wasn’t too hard to hurry either. It was Sunday in the small Utah town of Beaver, and nothing, save a single diner, was open. So we got the hell out of crazy Mormon Utah and into beautiful amazing Utah.

I can’t really put into words what Bryce Canyon is like. It’s absolutely stunning. The red rock formations, the visible horizontal lines cutting through it all, the holes in the rocks, the bridges, it’s all just so very cool and so very strange. We hiked a nine mile loop called Fairyland, which gave us a great view of the entire canyon - both from above and down inside. We nearly got caught in a lightning storm, but managed to get out with only a few sprinkles to show for it. It was easily the most amazing rock formations I’ve ever seen, and the hike seemed to fly by. It’s just an extraordinary place. I put it on the top of my recommendation list next to the Yellowstone/Grand Teton area as far as national parks go. So very worth seeing.

Day 90

The second day in Bryce, while not quite on the same level of spectacularness as the first, was quite enjoyable nonetheless. We drove down to the southernmost point in Bryce Canyon - Rainbow Point - and proceeded to do a 9.5 mile hike that took us around the upper rim of the canyon, and down into the forested bits as well. The views here were the best in the park, providing a panoramic view of the entirety of Bryce, the Grand Escalante region of Utah, parts of Arizona, and (although I couldn’t figure out which direction to look exactly) part of New Mexico. The rock formations weren’t as unusual or breathtaking, but the hike was really fun, though quite strenuous. The highlight in my opinion was when I came damn near stepping on a rattlesnake. Having never seen one before, I was quite excited, especially once I was a safe enough distance that it couldn’t bite me. And, unlike my encounter with the grizzly bear while hiking in Yellowstone with Micah, I could take as many pictures of the little devil as I wanted. I took two.

After our nearly 10 mile hike, in addition to the 8 mile hike the day before, we needed to take a shower. We got to the public showers, and for some bizarre reason, the showers only take $1 gold coins. Who even uses those? There was a sign that said you could get gold coins in the laundry room just around the corner. So Mike and I took our quarters (because that’s the logical coin to use) to the laundry room. But the machine in the laundry room only takes dollar bills, and, supposedly, when shoved into its mouth, shits out gold coins. But we had no dollars. So we had to go to the gift shop and get some gold coins. This, at least, was successful. With our gold coins in hand we walked back toward the showers only to find 4 French boys headed for the shower ahead of us, forcing us to wait for minutes before one became vacant. Damn. I said to Mike, “hey, maybe they’ll shower together,” what with them being French and all. And they did. My prejudice payed off!

Day 91

Though it wasn’t a long drive from Bryce to Zion, the short 13 mile road through Zion took forever. The road was practically one lane the entire way, and it was on mostly unpaved, windy switchbacks through crazy mountains and canyons. We snagged the very last (out of 124) campsites, and though it wasn’t 100% level, it wasn’t bad. We wanted to go for a short hike since the last two days had been rather strenuous, but there really aren’t a lot of hikes down in the southern section of Zion. So we postponed hiking until the following day, and instead enjoyed some beer in the shade down by Virgin River. Of note: two large lizards of unknown variety, some very small frogs of unknown variety, and a small bat (presumably hurt) of unknown variety crawling along the ground. It was nice to just relax right underneath some really cool rocky, craggy, mountains next to a(n) (admittedly unattractive) river. To top off our day of sloth we did some major carbo-loading with huge portions of spaghetti to be fully prepared for an actual hike the following day.

** Funny side story: We had to stop to get groceries, and all the towns between Bryce Canyon and Zion are, well, undesirable. But we managed to find a “grocery store” that sold some of the most awesome brands of stuff you’ve ever seen. Mostly it was Western Family, the Denny’s of food brands, but at one point a guy whom I assume to be foreign asks us which barbeque sauce we would recommend. Here were the brands to choose from, and see if you would have as much confusion as he did in trying to pick out the BEST sauce: 1) Western Family, 2) A&W (as in the rootbeer), 3) Bulls-eye, 4) Dr. Pepper. I’m sure you’re thinking that this is some sort of trick question, thinking that perhaps I mistakenly gave you soda choices instead of real life barbeque sauces. Nope. Those were the barbeque sauces. And only someone from another country would be fooled into thinking that those brands produce anything edible.

Petiter the Protector

Day 81

Today was a day of relaxation in the blistering sun attending the Sawtooth Music Festival near Stanley. Aside from the decent music (none of which blew me away) this music festival, more than any of the other maybe 3 music festivals I’ve ever been to, had the most gorgeous backdrop of any event I’ve been to. The stage was set so that while you watch the various performers you get to look at the Sawtooth Mountains, their jagged spires creating an amazing horizon. Stacey did some dancing during the event, but mostly we sat in the sun, drinking Fat Tire from cans (no glass allowed!) and eating the food we brought with us. It did pour for roughly half an hour, at which point the stage was cleared for fear of lightning strikes, and Stacey and I sent Mike to go fetch an umbrella from the car. By the time he got back he was soaked and Stacey and I were hiding underneath someone else’s canopy. When the rain stopped and the sun came back out I’d wished that I hadn’t hid from the rain since a soaking wet shirt would have been nice after the fact.

And since I’ve been in Idaho now for a few weeks I saw a bunch of people that I know and got to say hello to. It was strange. I don’t feel like I live here, but man, do other people make me believe that it’s at least a possibility.

We camped in the backyard of one of Stacey’s friends in a two person tent. There were three of us. And since we were in such close quarters, Stacey laid out some ground rules:

1) No nakedness.

2) No cuddling.

3) No hairy butts.

These rules were unfair - skewed toward the comfort of everyone except me. But I begrudgingly abided nonetheless. Three funny things happened that night after we’d called it a night: 1) At roughly 1am another group of people arrived, Stacey woke up, unzipped the door enough to peek outside, and claims that she saw a boob. I attempted to confirm the sighting, but could not. 2) At roughly 4am a party started outside the other group’s tent, and there was quite a bit of talking about vodka. 3) After being rudely awoken by a helicopter, we stepped out of our tent and found a passed out man sleeping on the lawn without a tent or a car, or (as far as we could tell) any reason to be there at all.

Day 82

I knew before even seeing the strange man passed out in the grass that today was going to be a great day. It started off with the remaining donut holes that we hadn’t finished the day before, followed by meeting up with Billy to go whitewater rafting on the Salmon River. Rafting is a personal favorite of mine, and I was fairly geared up to prove how amazing I am at paddling and being awesome at rapids. Our guide was Ben, picked because of his beard (Stacey’s request) for safety reasons (Stacey’s logic). See, if our guide has a beard he’s more likely to know what he’s doing, more likely to be good looking, and more likely to keep us safe from the beardless mongrels roaming about on the river. And, in an unlikely twist, he was the only guide with a beard, so we knew we had chosen wisely. When he came to give us life vests I asked him if they come in different sizes, to which he responded “no.” I clarified that I was petite, to which he responded “we can tighten that up for you.” And thus, on the river, on this day, I became Petiter, the smaller of the rafting participants.

But in the water I proved that being Petiter wouldn’t hold me back. At one point we were surfing this rapid - essentially pointing out raft upriver and getting kind of stuck in the wave - and this stupid kayaker comes out of nowhere headed straight for our raft. So I did what any sane person would do: I stuck out my paddle and tipped him over so that he didn’t interfere with our surfing. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts, but come on, the guy was probably going to ruin our wonderful day in the sun on the river, and I was protecting us. It was an incredibly fun day of hanging out while floating a beautiful stretch of Idaho, getting to know Ben (who (non-verbally) picked me as his favorite), who is from Maine and just out for the summer, and laughing at all of our silliness. The only downside to the whole day was that the rapids really weren’t that hard and we didn’t have any beer left over from the previous day to make the rapids a bit more fun. Mike miraculously managed to fall out of the raft despite the lack of rapids, but that just added to the laughing and fun having. At the end of the day I made sure that Ben ranked us in terms of rafting abilities (and maybe some intangibles). Final score: 1) Petiter, 2) Stacey, 3) Mike, 4) Billy. The only anomaly to the whole ranking thing was that Billy and I were on one side, while Stacey and Mike were on the other. Stacey created this setup to ensure equality of both sides. However, the rankings proved just the opposite of her theory that Billy was the strongest while I, Petiter, was the weakest. At one point Ben even had to tell Billy and me to stop paddling so hard so that the other side (the crap side) could match us. Despite Stacey’s insistence that she was far superior me and that Ben’s rankings couldn’t possibly have been accurate, the pictures taken of us proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was victorious in this made up game of ridiculousness. Ben was actually a cool dude though, and told me that I have a place to stay if I make it up to Maine. Could be a nice option when I get to the east coast. Rafting, even without difficult rapids, is one of the best things I can think of. I’m starting to think that I should look into being a guide one of these days. Show people what Petiter can do.

** Note: Because of the incident on the river in which I may have knocked over a seemingly innocent kayaker, I now have two potential enemies from my time here in Idaho. The other is a hobo who I nearly ran over with my rental car, and who screamed obscenities at me because he doesn't know how to follow the rules of the road. I'll be lucky to leave this state with only a chipped tooth.

Floating on

Day 77

At the local YMCA in Ketchum they have a climbing wall. It was being completely overrun by very young children and a few girls who were trying to get the attention of the resident climbing expert. And then I showed up and dominated everyone. No one else was man enough (not even the young teenage girls) to tackle the bouldering cave, but to be honest even I was a little skeptical since they decided to rate the routes using the damn skiing symbols like blue square, green circle, yellow pot of gold, and red balloon. Though since I love Lucky Charms, it was pretty easy to devour everything they threw at me. Well, the double black diamonds were a little too hard. Stacey even tried to do some climbing, and she was pretty good except for that she was only able to do two routes before her arm muscles turned to jello. She remained sore two days later.

Billy and Stacey went out on a date to a sushi restaurant, which left me to partake in may favorite pastime: eat a humungous burrito. When they returned we watched “Burn After Reading,” which I’ve already seen, but it was still pretty funny. Those Coen brothers are mostly amazing.

Day 78

I started walking to Avis to rent a car to pick up my friend Mike at the airport in Boise, thinking that if I biked then when Mike and I drop off the car, I’d bike back to Stacey’s house and leave Mike to trek back alone. But then I realized that it would take me a very long time to walk there, and I could always take the car back by myself. So I turned around to get my bike. As soon as I got back to Stacey’s I heard a thunder clap and it started to pour. Huge drops. Part of me thinks that I’m a mad genius that can see things in the future, like temperamental weather, and maybe grocery store sales, and part of me thinks that I was just kind of dumb to begin with and my first plan was terrible.

It stopped raining when I had to leave on my bike and I thanked the sky lords that let me arrive at the car rental safe and dry. And when I entered the airport to go to the Avis counter, I entered a Seinfeld episode. I go to the counter, say that I have a reservation for a car, and they tell me that they don’t have a car for me. I so badly wanted to say “you know how to take a reservation, you just don’t know how to hold a reservation. And that’s really the most important feature of a reservation - the holding.” Instead I waited patiently for 45 minutes for them to figure out what to do. They eventually gave away another woman’s car who wasn’t due to show for another hour, but they charged me more because the car was larger than the “small car” that I had reserved. I told them that I didn’t ask for this size car, so I didn’t want to pay the extra cash. It went back and forth but I eventually gave up because I needed to get to the airport.

The drive was uneventful, and picking up Mike was a painless process, but we had to hurry back because we were meeting Stacey and Billey at South Valley Pizza for the best pizza in the area. The place closes at 9 and we had about 2 hours to make it there in time. We hauled ass and were treated to some delicious pizza. One of the pizzas had the following: onions, olives, cilantro, pineapple, jalapenos, garlic, with half red and half barbeque sauce. So very good.

We topped off the night with some “Religulous,” which Stacey was a little too tired to fully partake in, but Mike and I enjoyed revisiting. It’s a great movie to prompt some discussion about life, death, certainty, uncertainty, and the stupidity of certain senators and “scientists.”

Day 79

This was a day of adventure, floats, and confusion. The day started off with two consecutive floats down the river, but since we didn’t have a large truck for the tubes Mike and I had to hold them out the window of Stacey’s car while she drove. People stared at us and a few people even got the hell out of the way, thinking perhaps they’d get thwacked by the rubber donut. The floats were great, but since we went earlier in the day, it was a bit colder than it was the last time we floated down the river, resulting in some chilly splashes.

That afternoon involved a float of the root beer variety, consumed by Mike and me at the farmers’ market while we listed to Stacey and Mia play music. It was a nice hot afternoon spent sipping homemade root beer in the shade of a tree while live music sang out in the background.

I gave Mike a bike tour of the area, riding down along the river and then back up along the hillside. I think I’ve now gone on that loop a dozen times, but I still enjoy it. In fact, these last two weeks mark the most biking I’ve done since I lived in Davis without a car. It’s been a great change of pace, and biking to the grocery store and the river gives you a great sense of belonging in a place.

Mike and I finished off the day with a screening of the movie “Inception,” which was equal parts awesome and confusion. The awesome came from a really cool concept with some sweet action sequences, and the confusion came from literally every other aspect. So much went unexplained, leaving Mike and me discussing the possibilities for roughly one hour after the movie ended. In fact, it was so intriguing that we opted out of dinner in favor of considering the intricacies of hijacking someone else’s dreams. I contemplated calling my brother to have him explain the movie, but I chose not to in favor of compiling a list of questions to send him in an email.

Day 80

In the blasting heat of the day Mike, Stacey, and I went for a long hike through the most beautiful section of Idaho that I’ve seen to date. Rolling green and brown hills with smatterings of trees and outcroppings of rock surrounded us while we got our legs covered in a combination of dust and sweat. And because we were so hot and sweaty by the end of the hike we decided that it would be a great cool-down to float down the river. So we held the rubber donuts out the car window again and headed to the river. Something happened, though, by the time we got the river: the clouds had rolled in. As we hiked down to the water’s edge it was actually quite cold. And, of course, the river’s temperature was the same as always - butt ass cold. We “manned up” and took the plunge anyway. Our reward? We enjoyed the last half of the trip accompanied by a lightning storm. We sort of feared for our lives, but we made it out of the water just as the storm got close and the rain started pouring. I really can’t tell if we were lucky or unlucky.

I cooked dinner for Mike, Stacey, and Stacey’s friend Amanda, with whom she has a gig next week and who was visiting to do a rehearsal. We had a delicious stir fry with quinoa (a van trip staple), with a nice salad, and what Billy brought for dessert, which was fruit and cream. It’s like we were rewarded for our bravery in the face of sure destruction from bolts of lightning with some yummy food.

More free food

Day 72

Today was average.

I did have a nice burrito in Ketchum, though.

Day 73

Today, above all other days, I got a great sense of the possibilities of the kinds of people out here in Idaho. Stacey wanted to play music with a new friend that lived down near Twin Falls (a veritable metropolis for Idaho). Amanda has played fiddle since she was four years old, and is also capable (and proficient) at playing the upright bass, and guitar as well. She’s actually quite good at everything, and picks up song after song as she and Stacey play on the street outside of a bar on the street. They’re just practicing, but every passing car stares at the two of them, turning their heads and leering for as long as possible. People who were eating outside came and thanked them as they left.

Back to the main point though. Amanda, Stacey and I were soon accompanied by a couple of other people: Lacey, and Hailey (no to be confused with the town that Stacey lives in). Lacey never said how old she is, but I’d guess somewhere around 20, and Hailey was 25. The two were very nice - something I’ve come to expect from everyone that I happen to meet on my travels - and we talk while Stacey and Amanda continue to play various songs. Shortly thereafter, more people showed up, including a man named John, a guy who must have been 6’ 8” (and who had just started to jump-start some dreads by putting honey in his hair), and Courtney, Hailey’s sister. There was also Hailey’s almost husband, Courtney’s husband, and John’s girlfriend, but I didn’t talk to them all that much so this story isn’t about them.

They were all quite happy to be out and they started drinking pitchers of beer that had ice holders built in - something I’ve never seen before. Lacey was told she had to leave by 11:15 by the bartender, which was weird because 1) she was just sitting outside and wasn’t drinking, and 2) the picked 11:15 almost randomly since it really has no significance that I can possibly think of. But before she leaves we all get to talking, and there was mention by Hailey how happy she was to be able to get a sitter for the kids. She also invites both Stacey and me to stay at their place for the night and that they have a brand new trailer that we can sleep in. She said that it might be a little noisy because of all the kids, but that it would be a great place to sleep. And then there was mention of how the place was a bit of a zoo because of all the kids. Through careful listing and some innocent questioning, I found out the following: Hailey, 25 years old, has 3 kids, Courtney, 30 years old, has six kids, and Lacey, 20 years old, has two kids. And they were all staying at the same house. One house, 11 kids, none of whom could have been more than 12 or so years old. In addition to all this nonsense of hundreds of too many kids, Hailey and Courtney started getting way too drunk, getting out of control and yelling wilding, and John (the huge dread head dude) told his girlfriend that he hated her. I quickly became uncomfortable with the whole situation because Stacey was playing music the whole time while I had to interact with this circus of people, so I had no one to turn to. It was good in a sense since it took me out of my comfort zone, but man did I ever want to decline the invitation to stay at their house. Shit. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do less. And at the end of all this mess was Hailey picking up the entire tab while her sister Courtney told her she couldn’t afford it. I wanted out.

Stacey and I had an interesting talk on the drive back to Hailey at 1 in the morning. We talked about how some people feel like they don’t have options. And these girls obviously felt like having babies was the thing to do. They were all nice people (until John said mean things to his girlfriend) and yet something made them feel like their best option would be to pop out tons of kids. And once they did that they felt trapped and maybe slightly depressed. It showed because of how happy they were that Stacey actually came to visit them and that there was something fun happening in Twin Falls. It’s hard to stay objective in situations like this, to think that their life choices might be good for them. I just can’t help but think that it’s unfortunate that they didn’t get to experience something else, maybe something more, or at least work at a job before they locked themselves into the life parenthood and stay-at-home momness. Because what it looked like was that they were probably deeply unhappy, and the solution is to turn to alcohol. The area that Stacey lives shows that not all of Idaho is like this by any means, and I’m sure this is all over, but there’s a very high rate of alcoholism (and worse) in sections of Idaho, and it’s no coincidence that it’s also the areas that don’t privilege education.

Day 74

There comes a time in every man’s life when he needs to pretend to be a professional photographer at a wedding in order to get some free food. At first I was hesitant since I wouldn’t have the proper attire and had no real means of blending in. Luckily it turned out not to be the wedding itself, but rather a celebration for a wedding that took place a couple of months ago. So I went, Stacey’s profession(ish) looking camera in hand. I got there rather sweaty since I had to bike, but Stacey’s band was already playing so I just waltzed in a started snapping photos in professional looking positions (like crouching and weird angles). As I took photos I drank some delicious lemonade and ate some mediocre appetizers. And then, from out of nowhere, a real professional photographer showed up, taking pictures of everything, including the fake photographer I mentioned earlier. At this point I just sat down and watched, realizing that I couldn’t compete with a camera twice the size of mine. When Stacey finished we ate some dinner (garden burger, potato salad, quinoa and veggies) and got the hell out of there. I managed to get through the whole ordeal without talking to a single person, which was quite nice.

Day 75

Breakfast today marked the first time on this whole trip that I got pancakes. Well, corncakes. So delicious. The diner didn’t have real maple syrup (idiots) so I settled for their homemade blueberry sauce that’s intended to go in crepes/blintzes. We nearly didn’t eat there though because Stacey realized that they didn’t have eggs benedict, which is apparently the only breakfast she accepts as delicious. Luckily we pointed out that two eggs (any style) can include poached eggs, and that the toast could include English muffin. So she basically just built her own. Close call.

Billy, Stacey, and I bought some inner-tubes and floated down the river that runs along town. Twice. It was so much fun that we decided to do a second run. Billy’s dad was super helpful and did the shuttling back and forth. I also found out he thought my name was Doug, so that was pretty funny too. There weren’t any huge rapids or anything, but it was fairly fast moving the whole time, so we covered the few miles quite quickly. It reminded me of the classic game, Toobin’, since we had to dodge such perilous obstacles as fishermen, fallen down trees, other inner-tubes, and alligators (not so much). God I love floating down rivers.

That night was dinner at Billy’s parents’ house, which was funny for two reasons: 1) Billy got stressed out and had to go pick up something at his house for the food we were making, which was code for having to take a bong rip, and 2) I counted the number of words Billy’s mom said to Stacey (67) because I was told that she’s very quiet. Dinner was quite delicious as Stacey made some grilled turnips, some salmon, and salad. The weird thing to me was that I found out that Billy’s dad doesn’t really eat fish, and neither does Billy’s brother. This is funny because for the past two months Billy’s brother has been up in Alaska fishing, and was bringing home a 38 pound salmon, which I guess no one is going to eat. Bizarre.

Day 76

Stacey and I took a 10 minute bike ride up to the botanical gardens in between Hailey and Ketchum. Only it took 45 minutes because Stacey really had no idea how far away it was, and we overshot it a bit because it wasn’t visible from the bike path. It was a nice little garden of various local plants and a vegetable and herb garden. There was a spot with a bunch of Buddhist stuff near a little creek, so we sat there and did some reading.

The second half of the day was cooking up some dinner and watching Burn After Reading. I’d already seen it, but it’s a fantastically absurd movie and was definitely worth a second viewing.

I also had a very interesting conversation when I called up to reserve a car at Avis. I prefaced the desire to reserve a car with the line “I rented a car last week and would like to rent one again on Wednesday.” After the man searched to make sure that he could have one available, his last question was “and what did you pay last time?” Huh? Not, “that’s going to be x dollars,” but, “we don’t have a fixed price, so sometimes we’ll screw you.” I thought the man was crazy, but I quoted the price I paid last time (which might have been discounted because Billy helped me rent the car last time) and he seemed fine with it. I wonder what would have happened if I said something totally bonkers like $2. Damn. Missed opportunity.